OnLy oNe MoRe yEaR!!!

Hmm... since a long time since i last blog. It's off from work and back to university.
Lately, have been keeping myself busy.. In a way am avoiding thinking of him.... but then it only work to a certain extend.
Sadly, couldnt hold on to my stand, i gave in after he called and messaged me a few days in a roll.
Went over, spend a night with him, chatting, supper, movie...
Funny thing is, i wonder why i felt awkard lying beside him.. The distance between us could be fitted with 2 bolsters.. Funny..
I might be wrong but it is an instinct... I felt that he missed me and a part of him still loves me. Staying cool and steady that night made me realize that he is trying to hold back his feelings... And he is still pissed when a friend text me middle of the night when we were watching movie. Yet the status of Breakup doesnt entitle him to control me anymore nor it allows him to show his anger. If it is as he claimed that he have lost his feelings, why is he still jealous?
Well, it is all an assumption. Anyhow, am certain now that it wouldnt last between us even if we got back together. Furthermore, i have decided to fly off the country next year. Really needed to leave the country..
Couldnt deny that a part of me still care... but then...
The other thing lately is, i dont know why but i am constantly pissed off with my first ex.. After breakup, we have been buddy... He is constantly on the missing track and the reappear. This time a round, he has been around for a longer period of time... He told me that wants me back but he doesnt seems to mean it..
Yet, we both seems to have lotsa arguements over stupid issues... I wonder why.. I seems to be always against him...
Anyhow, all this now doesnt matter to me.. All i want is to finished up my last year of studies, graduate and fly off to work....
Only One More Year!!

tIrEd!?!?!?!

Hmm... from saturday till wednesday!!! gosh for the few night i only had a total of 10 hours of sleep... on wednesday night... was all flat!!!
Mahjong, football, drinking, hanging out, dinner, surprises.... gosh really filled myself up for this year's birthday....
simple and enjoyable......
on the day of my birthday, he only send a superbly short sms.... "hello happy birthday".....
that is all? nothing else that he could add in?
well.. anyhow i did not reply.... but when midnight hits... started thinking of him... feeling guilty for not replying....decided to just call him and say thank you then see what is happening....
but to my expectation.. he is still him.... being kinda cold....
he was kinda pissed... that i only called to say thank you after one whole day.... well.. as usual... i ignored and just put down the phone.... went on with my parties......
Then to my surprise, he called me last night when i was flatten with exhaustion... fell asleep very early and he only called after midnight....
but the funny thing is... he is still like him like when we were dating.... just misscall me and expect me to call back....
Ignored tha the first misscall..... when the second misscall came.. i was worried if there is an emergency....
So.. did call him back... and it seems like nothing much... asking me how did i celebrated my birthday... how is things and what am i doing...
when he got to know that i am sleeping he asked me to call him the next day....
when i woke up this morning... i thought that i had a dream.. but when i checked my phone....
yeah... he did call....
still contemplating now to call or not to call... wondering what is he trying to do??
well.. i am really sick and tired of all the drama in our past relationship and i dont wanna fall back in.....
but i do still miss him.... but i cannot... cannot allow myself to fall back anymore... knowing that this man will only destroy my future... stop me from succeeding......
i dont even understand why do i love him so much.....
anyhow... i gotta at least meet him a while to return his friend's book to him...... totally forgotten about it till he ask for it.....
well.. guess that the safest way is just to drop it to him at his work place where he cant do anything patty.... nor can he create any trouble for me....
well.... just getting better and now... just a single call.. got my mind messy aagin.....
i miss you dear.. i do... but i am afraid...