tIrEd!?!?!?!

Hmm... from saturday till wednesday!!! gosh for the few night i only had a total of 10 hours of sleep... on wednesday night... was all flat!!!
Mahjong, football, drinking, hanging out, dinner, surprises.... gosh really filled myself up for this year's birthday....
simple and enjoyable......
on the day of my birthday, he only send a superbly short sms.... "hello happy birthday".....
that is all? nothing else that he could add in?
well.. anyhow i did not reply.... but when midnight hits... started thinking of him... feeling guilty for not replying....decided to just call him and say thank you then see what is happening....
but to my expectation.. he is still him.... being kinda cold....
he was kinda pissed... that i only called to say thank you after one whole day.... well.. as usual... i ignored and just put down the phone.... went on with my parties......
Then to my surprise, he called me last night when i was flatten with exhaustion... fell asleep very early and he only called after midnight....
but the funny thing is... he is still like him like when we were dating.... just misscall me and expect me to call back....
Ignored tha the first misscall..... when the second misscall came.. i was worried if there is an emergency....
So.. did call him back... and it seems like nothing much... asking me how did i celebrated my birthday... how is things and what am i doing...
when he got to know that i am sleeping he asked me to call him the next day....
when i woke up this morning... i thought that i had a dream.. but when i checked my phone....
yeah... he did call....
still contemplating now to call or not to call... wondering what is he trying to do??
well.. i am really sick and tired of all the drama in our past relationship and i dont wanna fall back in.....
but i do still miss him.... but i cannot... cannot allow myself to fall back anymore... knowing that this man will only destroy my future... stop me from succeeding......
i dont even understand why do i love him so much.....
anyhow... i gotta at least meet him a while to return his friend's book to him...... totally forgotten about it till he ask for it.....
well.. guess that the safest way is just to drop it to him at his work place where he cant do anything patty.... nor can he create any trouble for me....
well.... just getting better and now... just a single call.. got my mind messy aagin.....
i miss you dear.. i do... but i am afraid...