MeMoRiEs!!!!

New year!!
Well, another crazy celebration like christmas... Also with my group of old friends...
Christmas... Genting...
New Year... Camerons...
This time around, 14 of us went up but not all are old friends...
One of the guy brought his girl friend...
The other guy brought his girlfriend and his sister...
The other guy is the younger brother of our old friend... Funny thing is, his brother or sister whom are our old friends did not go...
4 cars!!!
This plan was such an ad hoc plan... Last minute confirmation from everyone... Last minute shopping of food and stuff...
Did the shopping of food last minute, on friday... Was all kinda messup with some misunderstanding... I was incharge of buying the stuff... I only had in mind that i need to grab some food for breakfast and also some extra food for the guys incase that they are hungry in the middle of the night...
Nevertheless, when i picked up one of the girls, she thought that i was gonna buy food for steamboat and also barbeque...
We were confused and rather messed up... Hence, dragged the organizer out and ended up buying food for everything although we argued about some food that we should buy up there and some we should buy here...
Funny... and in between the whole process, we still had time to watch 'a night in the museum'... and ended up delagting the stuff to buy to a few people...
On the same day, was dicussing with a few of us who are going up earlier... and realized that even the organizer didnt know the road up to cameron...
6 of us going up first... None knew the road including me... But for me it is rather easy as i have a walking GPRS (my dad... LOL!!!)... Hence, i told them i will find out and then i would lead...
Then went back home, and asked my dad bout the road and am confident with the directions given... Had never got lost with his directions... If you ask him, i think he can draw a detail map about malaysia... LOL!!!
Then later that night, was supposed to sleep early to make sure i am fresh for a long drive...
Well, ended up chatting till kinda late... Had a very nice and fun chat... this time around with a guy from the US... LOL!!!
I could say, chatting with guys from here and there, is just so different... Maybe its character... Well, yet to bump into a guy from here whom can have such a great chat with...
And the funny but weird thing is... Feels rather hard for both of us to stop chatting and it seems hard to part for a few days...
Well, still i have to drive... So we only ended our conversation abot 3 something...
Then next day, woke up rather early, feeling very excited and bump into him online again...
Well, as usual, got hook on my com for a while... and he was rather upset... but at least we had a short chat before leaving...
Then, met up at one of the girls house, the other driver was rather grumpy... and my stupidity caused his car some scratches... Sorry dear!!!
Well, anyhow started the journey... Initially he was tailing me.. then all of a sudden, he decided to use another road... i was at the point of no turning back...
Next thing you know, he was lost with another 2 girls in his car... LOL!!!
We were so worried and so on about him finding the way, they called saying that they were lost and we tried to direct them...
Luckily at the end, he manage to find the way and met up with us at the sungai buloh rest area...
Very fast drive there... laughing and chatting all the way...
Hmm.. seems like a very long story if i go on and on....
All in all, we had a great celebration...
First night, barbeque and steamboat at the same time... then alcohol.. some guys were zick zacking around.. tunbling here and there.. non stop laughing and hilarious happenings...
Second night, barbeque, steamboat and frying at the same time for dinner... alcohol again... this time i had a good buzzz.... and i was the funny one... LOL!!! off course along with a few more...
Count down only by ourselves... Shouting and screaming ourselves... No one else, no strangers.. only us!!!
Well, although there were some heated arguements, tears running... but all in all, i am glad to have celebrated and ushered in this new year, another year of friendship with this group of friends whom are very dear to me...
Chatted a little more with some of them.. we just realized that some of us had knew each other from standard 1 till now.. which means it has already been 16 years!!!!
16 freaking years man!!! What else can i ask for from friends???
Despite all the differences, despite all the sunshine and rain that we have been through, despite all the arguements, i am glad that we are still friends!!
I could not ask for a better celebration nor a begining of this year...
Well, a brand new year, a new turning point in my life... Had been great so far...
Filled with love, filled with joy, filled with laughter and best thing is filled all the people whom i really appreciate...
I am truly blessed to have my parents, family and more and more friends to share my life with...
Thank you!!
I really appreciate evrey single one of you whom have cross my life... Foot steps will always be a part of me!!!
BlEsSeD yEaR!!!!

ChIrStMaS!!!

Christmas!!
Before this, christmas seems just like another festival to me. Never really celebrated it.
Before this, i always hope that i could celebrate christmas with someone special.
Before this, christmas seems to be a sad memory for me.
Well, things changed...
Christmas 2006...
Started off with a few days in a row reunion/yumcha session with my group of old friends... When i say old means old... As in some of us have known each other for more than 10 years... Some more than 5 years...
Fantastic meet everytime, laughing, teasing, playing...
Then i met a really cute french guy online... Had a really great chat with him... And seems like there is a little chemistry running... hahaha... Nevertheless, i dont really believe the online stuff... But hey, am really having a good time chat with him...
Then attended a christmas party on the 23rd... Met a few of AIESEC friends from UKM... my gosh!! was really a good time for us to catch up and celebrate christmas together... Really glad to have some heart to heart chat with some of them, realizing how we have grown from first year till now... Missing all the great time we had and fretting about graduating soon and gonna be an alumni in AIESEC...
And the great part is, my group of old friends are getting closer and closer now and we never seems to have enough of each other... And they organized another meet up on the same day of the party... And guess what, i rushed over right after the party... On the 23rd itself, am already so happy and hyped up with all this christmasy mood, wonder how was my celebration?
On the night as in 23rd night where we met up, we were dicussing plans for 24th... Matter of fact we have been discussing since days before when we met...
We are not certain of any plans when we left... But there were suggestions that we drive up one of the hill nearby, where there is a western food restaurant overlooking Kuala Lumpur for dinner...
Well, although there were no certainties, a few of us, the gals said that no matter what or how few of us, we can just meet up and go for dinner... And i was like cool, at least i still got to celebrate with a few of my friends who are really close to my heart...
Then came the time for dinner... Never to my expectation, we are really driving up that hill for western food with really beautiful scenary... And i also never expected that there were so many turns up...
3 cars packed... drove up the hill...
And you know what, we were late due to some hastle of last minute planning... And the place was packed... Too many people, very little space...
Then we decided to leave for another place... and the other hastle is that we have to alliance with the second batch of us that will join us later after work... Well, what the heck...
We just went to another restaurant nearby... Was just a normal restaurant... Nothing much... Most of us lost our mood of christmas...
Well, as time pass slowly, we were all just having fun by ourself although we would love to be uphill... But then, there were 17 of us.. couldnt be that bad till the extend that we would just be quiet... Especially with some clowns around... Everything seems fine after all.. We count down together...
Then, dont know why, dont know how... Someone came up with a suggestion lets go for second round... Genting!!!
And it was already 12 something in the morning when we decided yes we are going to drive up genting... hahaha...
Went back, took some sweater... met up bout 1 something... 2 cars, 11 of us...
They initially under estimated my car... I insisted that my car could go up.. furthur more we have no other alternative...
2 am... We are really up in genting... Hahaha... Laughing at my car's ability... We were glad that we are all up there...
Talking and laughing in Starbucks... Enjoying the cold weather... And we were laughing non stop of our wackoness...
Couldnt believe that we really took a 1 hour drive up... hahaha....
Stayed on... Had so much fun just chilling with them, i never realize how times flies... Without realizing it is already morning... hahaha...
Hmm.. but the one part that i am a little frustrated with myself is that i wasnt feeling that well in my stomach.. and i puked... But then, was still feeling very happy and fine.. we continued..
Well, 7 something in the morning, after a whole night of laughing and laughing... we finally decided that we gotta drive home...
Reached down KL.. a few of us went for breakfast... a few went home due to exhaustion...
I couldnt stop laughing and couldnt believe how crazy we were...
Reached home, really exhausted... Showered and wanted to go sleep..
And then, he was online, the french guy.. Seems like he has been waiting for me the whole night to online.. Chatted with him for a while... :)
Then came the really touching part... A few of them send out gratitude messages... Indicating how glad they were to have our friendship and to have spend such a wonderful christmas together... Which is exactly how i felt... I myself did the same thing..
It is really another sweet memories for all of us to keep.. And it is amazing that we all feel the same and it seems to be a silent understanding...
There, my christmas... 2006... is definitely a celebration that i will never forget...
MeRrY cHrIsTmAs!!!

BlEsSiNgS!!

More and more small little things happening lately that made me appreciate more of all the blessings in my life.
Catch up with 2 old friends of mine.. Had a very long conversation with him and her...
With him, he said many many things that shows his concerns.. He still sees me as the same old kitty, never knew the different me or shall i say the actual me deep down inside.. He made me realize that to a certain extend i didnt really show people the person that i really am deep down inside..
I would say it is my mistake for not showing people, even my parents the actual kitty.. The kitty that is deeper.. Even a few of my closer friends didnt really understand.. Well, but i am still glad.. She said, the way we were brought up and the way we think is different. But we still support you and give you your space.. That is what friends do, support and care regardless of what happens and regardless of the differences..
Am glad am really really glad to have more and more friends showing their actual concern and the value of our friendship shared all these years.. Not just the normal hehe haha..
To a certain extend what he said is true... Many friends are friends for happy times where you just have fun and enjoy yourself.. Tease, laugh, jokes and so on...
Yet again, we cannot deny that having these friends do bring some easier and joyful time.
Well, am happy. We talked alot today, updating each other of happenings in life and we see each other's deeper side..
I personally felt that the bond grew stronger. When i send the appreciation message to my friends, he is the one that replied 'i thought that it is long understood'. Am glad, this guy who has been picking on me since primary school, teased and made fun of me actually is one of my wonderful friends who have shown more and more concern through years.
She and another gal who is closer to me shown me stronger support through years.
I am really touched. Again, the feeling is so overwhelming and is hard to actually put into words.
Am really amazed by this group of friends, during schooling time we practically meet each other everyday. When it comes to tetiary education we are all seperated into various universities, yet somehow or rather one of them will surely take the intiative to catch up and have reunion every semester break we have, the time when almost everyone comes back to a place where we all grew up,met and shared many memories.
It is just amazing, despite the differences between all of us, despite not knowing each other deeper, we still concern and care whenever anything happens to either one of us. The most amazing part is how strong the bond and feelings all blend together.
I just gotta know that there were rippled effect after the mass SMS that i send out that day, a few send out similar messages. This has actually made us appreciate each other more and a simple time together could be said as one of the best time we had in our life.
Went back home and chatted with mum. Updated her about them and also things that i realized. Am really happy to know more and more how much my mum has suffered for our family.. Although it pierce deep through my heart knowing her hard times and how she is actually feeling.. But this just shows me how much she loves my dad, my brother and i.
And knowing that my mum is actually like a friend with my friends is just priceless. My best friend (mum) along with my friends.. What a wonderful sight!!
Thank you! Thank you God! Thank you mummy, daddy, boy and all my friends.
I really feel blessed to have all of you in my life.
I aM tRuLy BlEsSed!!!

JoYfUlL!!!

Funny how life unfolds sometimes..
Guess it is true what you resists persists..
My ex, the one that my i mentioned in the begining of my blog called me last night.
Well, it is rather uneasy for myself... Just realize that one of night when my instict were so strong telling me that he is around the place that i was hanging out..
Well, it was friends birthday and we were at lundry bar in the curve few months back. Due to the very strong feeling that he is around that place, i asked a guy friend of mine to my patner for that night. At that time i realize that i wanna avoid him hence i did so.. Nevertheless, i do admit i was really flirting and had some fun with some of the guys... Anyhow they are my friends from university..
Well, didnt really saw him that night and couldnt be bothered by it anymore...
Last night's call.. Was rather akward.. I was talking very akwardly... Even mum asked who was i talking to.. According to her i seldom talk that way and the way i talked as if it was a business call.. Funny....
Then, he said he actually saw me before and if i am not mistaken is that particular night.. He said that his friend saw me too... Well, it doesnt really matter to me but it is just weird...
Then he said that he havent change his perspective towards me... Then i asked what perspective that he has bout me and he wouldnt say it...
Then i sense anger... I asked if there is anything that i can do to help him.. His reply was 'what the heck are you thinking when you are still partying like before... No thanks...'
Well, like i said what you resists persists... When we were dating, he was actually anti me partying or clubbing due to the reason that he is afraid that i flirt... Well, it is just to bad that after so many months of breakup, he saw his nightmare... I would say there is lack of trust and also understanding of me... Maybe i didnt assure him and showed him me.
Well, what have i got to say? That is the only side that he happens to see and it is just a pity... Matter of fact it is so funny that i am dying to go party now as i havent party for like ages...
Well, apart of me still wonders why is he still feeling the anger. Matter of fact the event happens a few months back and matter of fact we broke up for quite sometime already....
Hmm.. Well, all i could do is to wish him love and joy and i actually prayed..
Honestly, i just hope that everyone around me would be happy... My parents, brother, friends, my exes and everyone single person around....
I am on my mission to bring joy to everyone, anyone at all that comes in contact with me. I cant gurantee that i will be able to but i promise to try my best....
JoYfUlL!!!

FrIeNdS!!!!!!

Am feeling so different.. Dont know why... It is funny... A sudden rush of joy and gladness swamp over me...
An old friend sms me for a movie along with the rest of my old high school friends... Then just came this feeling of appreciation.. Am glad to have them as apart of my life.. A group of friends whom i knew half of my life.. Friends who have been through sunshine and rain in my life. Friends whom always arrange reunion and meet up although we are seperated in different universities which some may be further..
Then comes another group of friends which i knew in form 6 till now.. Although time is kinda short but we have shared alot too..
Then the group of friends i met in university and AIESEC.. Some of them have been with myself since first year.. some a few months maybe years as well... Although some i only know recently, but what we have been through and shared means alot to me...
Then the new group of friends which i met from Money & You seminar.. They consist of people from different generations yet we can click and we support each other... Am really glad...
Thinking back of all these wonderful faces with their smiles and their concern, just gave me an over whelming feeling of joy and love.
When i was young i was told of the reality that friends will only be friends and most of friends are for benefit.. in the sense that if there is no value of usage, friends will just leave..
But this group of fantastic people has proven that reality wrong...
Friends is one of the most wonderful gift on earth... Although some, we have to go through a very rocky time before getting to know each other more but at the end of the day, the experience is invaluable....
Been laughing myself like a crazy woman travelling down memory lanes with so many different people... hehehe...
Feeling this, i sent appreciative messages to all my dear dear friends... To my surprise, many of them made me laugh till i drop...
Some were so concerned and called me on the instance. Some thought that something is wrong with me and replied me with messages such as 'are you drunk', 'are you ok? what is happening?' and so on... Some sent back appreciative messages noting that they feel the same..
Any reaction at all, brought joy to me.. knowing that they care and they are concerned and they feel the same....
The feeling is once again beyond words can say... at the end of the day.. am just glad and i really thank God for sending all these amazing people into my life....

Happiness
the finest gift that
life can give
cannot be bought
with gold
The joys at home
A loyal friend
These are worth
more than
all the wealth
in the world

WoRdS oF eNcOuRaGeMeNt!!

ThE pOwEr WiThIn...

Within our reach lies every path we ever dream of taking.

Within our power lies every step we ever dream of making.

Within our range lies every joy we ever dream of seing.

Within ourselves lies within everything we ever dream of being.

jUsT bE yOuRsElF...

To be who you are is to be enough.
To share who you areis to share enough.
To do what you love is to do enough.

There is no reace to win and nothing to be proven,
only dreams to be nurtured
a self to be expressed,
and love to be shared.

Never doubt your worth, and always know,
without any doubt, that you are truly valued.

AnYtHiNg Is PoSsiBle...

Believe in your dreams-the goals you've always wanted to achieve.
Believe in your abilities-that you are capable and worthy of being and doing anything.
Life holds no promises to what you can have. It gives you opportunities to ultize your abilities.
It gives you time to make choices and take chances.
Be willing to accept life's challenges. Embrace changes that come along the way.
Never give up
Be passionate to make your dreams a reality.
Believe that it is possible to achieve what you want and will.

In ThE mIdSt Of DiFfIcUlTiEs LiEs OpPoRtUnIrTy. NeVeR gIvE uP!!

ThE bEsT aNd MoSt BeAuTiFuL tHiNgS iN tHe WoRlD cAnNoT bE sEeN oR eVeN tOuChEd. ThEy MuSt Be FeLt WiTh ThE hEaRt.

MaYbE sOmEdAy!!!

Maybe someday
you'll start living every day true to the best that is within you and seriously pursue your most treasured dreams.

Maybe someday
you'll stop holding back and live the richness of every moment and show the world who you really are.

Maybe someday
you'll explore the best of possibilities that you know in your heart are there.

Maybe someday
you'll see how truly beautiful life can be and understand that nothing can hold you back.

Maybe someday
you'll wake up, see how useless most of your worries have been and stop letting others hold you back.

Maybe someday
you'll decide that your life cannot wait any longer and you'll wonder why you ever waited so long to start living.

Maybe someday you'll decide to go for it.

Maybe someday is coming.

Maybe someday will be sooner that you think.

Maybe someday is here.

Maybe someday is Today!

A cReEd To LiVe By!!!

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others:
It is because we are different that each of us us special.

Don't set your goals by what others people deem important:
Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart:
Cling to them as you would your life,
for without them life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers
by living in the past or the future:
By living your life one day at a time,
you will live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give:
Nothing is really over... until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect:
It is fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks:
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Dont shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find:
The quickest way to receive love is to give love;
The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tightly;
And the best way to keep love is; to give it wings.

Don't dismiss your dreams; to be without dreams is to be without hope:
To be without hope is to be without purpose.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget where you've been,
but also where you are going:
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured
every step of the way.

ClArItY!?!?!

My Gosh!! Never thought just a simple 1 month holidays could be so tiring yet fulfilling. Attended 2 amazing seminar/conference. First was the money and you seminar. That was really a life changing seminar for myself. REalizing many things in my life and have achieve clarity. Then NLDS 2006 an amazing conference that motivates me again.
Been very tired and exhausted attending this 2 event one after another. Mind, body and soul. Well, glad that i have the opportunity to be there.
I dont deny it has been rather hard for me inside but yet manage to pull through, putting certain things aside and enjoyed the whole process.
Well, a part of me feels like i wanna stay forever in both events. Away from reality and just enjoy the clarity, motivations and people. A great learning journey.
It has been a whole new journey of learning, developing day by day, seing so many others developing day by day brought wordless joy to my heart.
Money and you has actually help me see things in my life more clearly and meeting up with a few graduates from the program yesterday reminds me of a lot of things.
Where else in NLDS it has been very touching and emotional for me, many came up and thank me for inspiring them. THat made me realize that it is something that i am really happy doing. Nevertheless many things i did without realizing had motivated and inspired many. Many messages wrote to me saying that i am a great person with personality and so on. This is something that means alot to me. Something that i read any time i have and they motivated me alot too. I couldnt find the words to describe the whole thing but the satisfaction and motivation with the heart shaking is just incredible.
I am really glad to meet all this people and couldnt thank them more for motivating me again and i dont know how more to thank them for all the joy they bring to my heart.
THe other part that i said is hard for me inside is to actually face him for 1 whole week without anything said. Looking at him along with the rest has actually motivated me yet it hurts inside to be so distance in the sense that no hi, bye or even smile.
Its funny and amazing realizing all this mixed feelings inside. Asked him if he were to appologize for what he said. At that instance he said no. Wordless... THen i decided to just ignore and forget about what we had and take it as if i never knew him. He is only my junior in AIESEC and that is it. Some came to say that the way i treated him is just so different in the sense that i treated him and everyone else the same. STill there to support and encourage. Well, no one knows how hard it is inside. Further more i was sleeping alone. Roomate decided not to attend hence am leaft alone. THe funny thing is i still couldnt cry.
Well, spend some time with michelle and i realize that i really care dearly for her. I could say that i actually love this girl and i will keep her for life and as dear dear sister of mine.
Well, after the conference he finally appologize but funny thing is i couldnt really accept it. i dont know why. Have made a decision to forget and let go of what ever memory or feelings of him and he is only to be my junior and that is it.
Well, i told michelle to try to understand what i am going to do next. Told her that i need my time. GUess that what i didnt say was what i am gonna do. Well, time and space is the clue. Couldnt exactly pour it in here cox i know she and him do read my blog. Well, guess that i did pour quite alot already yet there is still so much more that is left unsaid.
So much more to let out but couldnt find the sequence and the words.
Well, am clear that the perfect picture for all of us might be 3 of us happily together, may it be as friends or more. Yet again, i do wish that things could be that beautiful but i realize that i am not in condition to do so. ANd it is also not one's effort. Take the whole team. But i first have to allow myself to do so. DOnt know why i couldnt yet or maybe i just dont want to. First time that i am actually feeling like this and reacting like this. For the first time in my life am actually not gonna fight anymore even for frienship. First time in my life am just gonna discard. Funny..
Maybe time will change everything. Well, i will never know. All i can see is my own future, what i want in life and my friends.
Well, what ever it is i gave my words to her and i made certain decision for myself. So am just gonna be by it and focus on what i want for life while enjoying life with people around me that are worth keeping. Even the older people i met in the money and you seminar said that i am different and i can achieve things that i want in life. Well, a small matter like this is not gonna stop me.
Keep the one that is worth keeping and discard the ones that is not.
LIfe is beautiful and i know that i love everyone around me and they love me for who i am too..
Am happy that i have got so many to support me through anything at all.. people my age and also those who are much older yet sees so much in me.
THank you all... i dont know how else to thank you but am really glad that i know you guys.

lOsT oF wOrDs!!!

Lying here alone at home with the TV on. Parents went back home town, brother went out and not coming home tonight. Plans all cancelled.. Sometimes i hate this feeling of being alone yet sometimes i do need my own time to chill and breath.. But not tonight. Sitting here feeling the pain and emptiness leaves me lost and helpless.
Something just pierce through my heart last night. Cant help feeling silly again. Things were predicted when i went for it. And the funniest thing is, never thought that i am kinda accurate. A friend asked me how could i know/predict. I myself dont know the answer to that. Is either he is that predictable which means he is easy to understand or i am sensitive. Never know.
Well, i realize that i have been too hard.. too hard in doing the things that i thought is right. I still dont know wheter is it right or wrong. I do realize that i pushed him to the wall, maybe because of that he could be so cold and cruel. Nevertheless, one thing that i didnt thought of is that i will be humiliated.
I dont know what i am actually feeling now. I dont know wheter i am angry. I dont know wheter i am sad or disappointed. I dont even know if i will be able to forgive him. To a certain extend i just felt so silly and felt like i have been cheated right from the begining. But i dont know... i dont know.. Everything seems to keep on playing around in my mind.. Seems so lost... All i know and that i can acknowledge is the piercing pain in the heart and the constant chest discomfort. Even if so, i dont know what can i do to release it and let go. Usually i could cry, blab blab blab or scream to get it off my chest, but then i dont know why i cant cry, i couldnt put much in words and i cant even scream it out. And usually forgiving and forgeting and letting go is so easy.. But now, i dont know why.
Then i actually question my worth, my value. Then a friend enlighten me. It makes me think back. Yeah! i am willing to accept that i also had made mistakes. I am willing accept the differences and try to work things out. But then if the other party is not willing to, then i know that party is not worth it, hence why should i question my value. What value is there even to a friendship if one party does not want to fight for it?
Well, there is so much that is running in my mind. Thought that i could try blabbing it all out here. But then, seems like i dont know what else to say anymore nor do i know how to put things in words.
Funny though, usually i can put things out easily especially verbally. This is the first time that i realized that i am stuck. And i wonder why.. Well, guess that i myself have to chill and cool down.
Yet again, am checking into the conference tomorrow. Gotta face him one whole week, i dont know how mush emotional roller coaster gonna happen nor do i know how to face him. Dont know wheter i should just take as if he is invisible and dont acknowledge him or should i just pretend with a bloody thick face.. I dont know...
I dont know how it say anymore..
Guess that maybe silence is golden....