-sUnShInE oR rAinStoRm-

We did not vow that there will always be sunshine and roses in our relationship. I guess somehow rather imcomplete if it is only all sunshine and roses without rainstorm.

"Suffering builds character" so said my lovely hubby everytime i face upon challenges.
It has always been a motivation for myself to build more of myself to be the better person that i am.
Never did i know, our heartaches would be so soon around the corner.
A little decision i made, a simple action of what i felt like doing at that point, never have i thought would trigger it.

Now facing at this cross road, i am rather lost. I am still figuring out how to deal with this.
We had finally manage to talk over it, after 2 agonizing days of silence.
Although so, i still feel that there is still distance between us that i have never felt before.
I wonder if he feels the same...

What can i do when it comes to the difference of beliefs?
What will i do to come to a resolutions, non compromising by either party?
What am i going to do to patch this little hole between us now?

Somehow, I felt i was subjected to emotional punishment for decisions that i made as an individual but not accepted by him.
Somehow, I felt that i dont deserve such treatment as i felt i am blamed for taking his feelings for granted even when i did open up to him.
Somehow, I understand that it must have hurt him so so much to be triggered such way.
Somehow, I understand that it takes much of his love to react such way and i am glad that he finally is able to express his true feelings and emotions.
Somehow, deep inside despite the hurt that both of went through i know that we love each other greatly.

But i guess for now, only time would be able to heal.
I guess maybe every single inch of hurt will be flushed away when our skins touch again.
Maybe, just maybe.
However it may be, i am still clear that i do love this man truly madly deeply through sunshine or rainstorm.
My love, my hubby, my bunbun... :)

- tEaRs Of LoVe -

So much feelings and emotions running through my body.
Shivering through every inch of my body.
Tears run down my cheeks as i am writing.
Never have i experience this feeling before.
Never have i tear so much while smiling.
The more love i feel the more tears run down my cheeks.
Then I realized that I am in love till it hurts.

December 2nd/3rd,
The very day that i will always remember.
The very day that we had a surprise birthday party for my love.
The very day that he kissed me publicly in the witness of more than 150 people.
The very day that i seen him tear looking into my eyes.
and it is
The very day that he recites his vow.
The very day that he asked my hand in marriage.
The very day that i first felt love till it hurts.
The very day that i first cried so much for being loved and being in love.
The very very day that he calls me as his wife.

Today, chatting with him over skype, my feelings overwhelmed me again.
So much shared within such a short period of time.
So much to be planned and done for the fairy tale to live.
So much to endure for our very very own happily ever after.
Then i realized how much we have been through together.

This very man showed me so much about love,unconditional love.
This very man has been my story to share that affects so many around me.
This very man brought miracle, love, hope and everything sweet into my life.
This very man supported me endlessly for me to achieve my dreams and beyond.
most of all,
This very man brought me into me.
This very man is my fairy tale come true.
This very man is now my dearest lovely hubby.
and
This very man is no other than Mr Alvin Wee.

Thank you love. Thank you.
I love you.

sOaRiNg & FlYiNg!

Lately seems rather unusual.
Not much words writen, just lyrics and songs.
Somehow, the songs sang my soul.
Maybe i lost my words in love. Maybe i lost my words in joy. Maybe i lost my words in all these blessed humankind experiences.
Everything seems like a fairytale right now. Many many new happenings in my life, not only in my lovely love life, it is also in almost every aspect in my life.
I will believe that it all begins from love. I love to love and be love. I love not only my family, my boyfriend, i love everyone around me may it be sunshine or rain.

After a short chat with a friend today, i realized that i appreciate much much more of my lovely boyfriend whom i feel loves me unconditionally truly from his pure heart.
Somehow, listening to her sob i was afraid that somehow someday i will never be able to feel him anymore. I am afraid that this fairytale will end.

I may say this whenever i am in a new relationship.
Well, i would always say that my new relationship is different.
I could not deny that i would say the same phrases as well.
Somehow, he is really a whole new realm in my life. Never have i been pampered, spoiled and love like this before. Never have i love this way, never have i been love this way before.

wIsHiNg ThAt OuR fAiRyTaLe NeVeR wIlL bE eVeR aFtEr!!!

mAsTeRpIeCe
(Atlantic Starr)

A simple touch of your hand,
And everything is right.
The gentle way you look at me,
When we kiss goodnight.
You've given me the freedom no other love has known
And now I thank you girl , thank you girl

The countless ways you've touched my heart
Is more than I can say
The beauty that you've shown to me
takes my breath away
A picture perfect painting, that's what our love is
And yes I need you so, and now I know

Chorus:
ooooh
I've found a masterpiece in you
a work of art it's true
And I treasure you my love
ooooh
I've found a masterpiece in you
a work of art it's true
And I treasure you

Sometimes I wonder what I'd be
Had I not found you
A least and lonely soul this world
could show me nothing new

But now my life's a canvas
painted with your love
And it will always be
And now I see

The two of us together
Through time will never pass
This fairy tale we shared
is real inside our hearts
let it be forever
never let it end
this promise I do make
Heaven is ours to take

Repeat chorus

When I'm lost and insecure
you build me up and make me sure
that everything will be alright
My love

Repeat chorus

This fairy tale we're sharing
is real inside our hearts
Let it be forever
never let it end

yOu, My LoVe Is ThE wInD bEnEaTh My WiNgs!

wInGs BeNeAtH mY WiNgS
(Bette Midler)

Ohhhh, oh, oh, oh, ohhh.
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strain.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.


Ever since BSE, much has been happening.
I developed much faster than i ever thought.
For this, i cannot deny that you has always been there.
You have always volunteer to be the wind beneath my wings,
without any frets nor frowns.
You have always been so willing and giving.
Thank God for you.
Thank you, my love.
I will never be without you.

hIs SiLeNt PlEdGe & FeElInGs To MuA!!!

gLoRy Of LoVe
(Peter Cetera)

Tonight it's very clear
as we're both standing here
There's so many things I want to say
I will always love you
I will never leave you alone
Sometimes I just forget
say things I might regret
It breaks my heart to see you crying
I don't want to lose you
I could never make it alone

CHORUS
I am a man who would fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you're dreaming of
We'll live forever knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love

You keep me standing tall
You help me through it all
I'm always strong when you're beside me
I have always needed you
I could never make it alone

CHORUS

Just like a knight in shining armor
From a long time ago
Just in time I will save the day
Take you to my castle far away

CHORUS

We'll live forever knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love
We did it all for love


Although you did not recite your pledge, i feel it.
Although you did not tell your feelings, i feel it.
Your actions my love, speaks it all.
Many words said is all in this particular song.
Feels exactly as how you feel for me and your pledge is so strong and real.
I will always be by yourside whenever you need me.
I love you too.

a MoMeNt LiKe ThIs!

A Moment Like This
(Kelly Clarkson)

What if I told you it was all meant to be?
Would you believe me, would you agree?
Its almost that feeling that we've met before so tell me that you dont think Im crazy when I tell your love is here and now.

A Moment like this.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.
Some people search forever for that one special kiss.
I cant believe its happening to me.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.

Everything changes, but beauty remains.
Something so tender I cant explain.
Well I may be dreaming but til I awake..Can we make the dream last forever?
And I'll cherish all the love we share for a moment like this.

Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.
Some people search forever for that one special kiss.
I cant believe its happening to me.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.

The speed of waiting love of all.
I wanna know that you will catch me when I fall.
So let me tell you this.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this...

Some people search a lifetime for a moment like this.
Some people search forever for that one special kiss.
I cant believe its happening to me.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.


Music speaks much of my soul and much of my feelings. At this very moment, i feel like i am still waiting for a moment like this although it is happening to me.

mY pLeDgE tO yOu My LoVe!

Valentine
(Martina Mcbride & Jim Brickman)

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I’d still feel for you

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
You’re all I need, my love, my valentine

All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You’ve opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly

I’ve dreamed of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn’t love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time...
You’re all I need, my love, my valentine

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
’cause all I need is you, my valentine
You’re all I need, my love, my valentine

lIFe!!!

"Life is just so fragile. We wouldn't know if we survive tomorrow. Just want you to know, make the best out of everyday. Let bygones be bygones. Sorry if i have done you wrong. Let us start a brand new story, making the best out of our time. This message is send in memory of my 20 year old friend, Calvin Teo who has just left us this very morning. 19th August 2007."

Those were the words that was send out to most of my friends this very morning. A little reminder to all of us that life is fragile and unpredictable. We would never know what will happen tomorrow. As they say, the future is not ours to see.
Hence, we should all start living each day to the fullest, living no regrets at the end of our lives.

Been pondering the whole day today. Guess that i am pretty much affected. Calvin died of cancer and a few of my aunties were diagnose with breast cancer. So many unpleasant news coming in within such a short period of time. Made me feel rather helpless. The whole day of reflection and pondering. There is so much thoughts that i wanted to pour out here. Been thinking of so many incidences and a better way to jot it all here and share. Share and build all of us. But it seems like i couldnt put my thoughts and words properly.

I am not fretting nor am i ranting. Just that much ponders made me realized that life is really short, fragile and unpredictable. Reflecting on my own life, i realized that i have been making mountain out of mole hills. I have been taking my life for granted and have not been making the best out of everyday, every single moment.

Many were born everyday and many depart everyday. Life and death is such a mystery. A jigsaw puzzle for every single one of us to put together. Non knows how it actually works till the very last moment. But the very last moments are often too late to share and hence life goes on as a mystery and adventure for us to explore.

I made a pledge today. I made a pledge to myself to start cherishing every single moment of ups and downs in my life. I pledge to make the best out of everyday, every moment of my life. I pledge to continue sharing and bring more happiness to myself and people around me. I pledge to love myself and everyone around me. I, Chang Kit Ti pledge to live my life to the fullest!

Calvin's departure is not a great loss, but a great lesson. Something to be shared with everyone around me as well. His presence will always be remembered.
His strive will always be an inspiration. His departure will always be a reminder.

Calvin, although i don't know you well, but you have pretty much touched our lives. Reminding us on our own lives. Reminding us that we should live our lives to the fullest. Your departure is matter of fact a blessing in diguise and a lesson to be remembered. I guess now, you are near to God, watching over us, showering us with your heartful blessings. May you rest in peace.

i Am WhO i Am!

Another rare occasion. A sudden urge of blogging nonstop.
Mind and emotions are rather messy today.
Initially this entry is intended to sound of anger. An entry of warning. An entry of f**king those b*****ds.
But it seems like my soft points has taken over the anger. My silliness once again locked my own emotions.
Myself blame once again turned the scenario around, feeling that it is my own choice and my own decision, my own fault.
Constant self blame is consuming more and more of my soul.
Self realization - improvements
Self blame - rants and destruction
Seing the distinction, i should be able to start on my improvements rather than go on ranting and destructing myself.

Somehow, i still feel like ranting, i feel like quarantining myself , feel like lashing all my anger and frustration.
I am upset, upset and tired of all the games and conflicts. Tired of all the people whom took advantage of my softness. Upset with all the game of attractions and lust.
Sick and tired of my own stupidity. Sick and tired of my insecurities and fear. Sick and tired of pretending, pretending to be strong, to be bold to be who i am not.
Argh!!!!
Enough is enough.

No more pretending. No more succumbing. No more faking. No more pleasing beyond my boundaries. No more hiding.
I am gonna be who i am. I am gonna allow my own emotions to flow. I am gonna be honest and true to myself.
I am who i am. I feel how i feel. I am the master of my own life.

dOeS iT eXiStS?!?

They often say that dramas/movies are often reflection of reality.
Been watching some silly chinese romance drama. Yes "chinsese" drama. Although many of you know that i am not much literate in the chinese language but i am still
chinese and i do understand the language fairly. Just maybe i am not able to converse well.

I realized that every romance drama may it be taiwanese, korean or japanese, the story lines are often similiar. Complex love triangle, one drama after another, sacrifices, silent heartaches, extremely romantic love pursues, status differences,
faith, believes and bla bla bla.

Somehow or rather the stories seems rather fake to me. I wonder if such happenings do happen in reality?

Does it really happen in reality that one would sacrifice so much for another in the name of love? Sacrificing beyond status and life?
Does it happen in reality that one would love another silently, hiding all the heartaches to help the one loved to pursue another love?
Does all the silly but extremely romantic luxurious dates really happen in reality?
Can all the touching lines and philosphies be applied in reality?
Does such love purity exists?

I wonder, i really wonder. Maybe i have not seen or heard before of such happenings in my 23 year old of life.
Weirdly, somehow i would feel a pinch of heartache every single time.
Seems much of the purity of love reflects on my romantic idealistic pursues.
But will it ever happen for me?
Can all the drama in my reality just perish?
Will it ever be simple and pure?
Will there be someone whom will be as silly as i am?
Does it even exists???