FeAr?!?!?

Went out with a dear friend whom have always understand me and my situation. Really thank God for bringing this gurl into my life. Although the time that we knew each other is short but this is the only gal who actually understands. We are so different yet similiar.. It is funny... but Amazing..
Well a little more pieces cleared up after talking to her.
She reminded me that actions speaks louder that words. And this reminds me that words is a tool that could kill someone or build someone. Well, guess that i should have just ponder and just act as i think what is right. No use telling anymore. Nothing seems to be able to change just by words.
Matter of fact i already told him dont and not to reconsider having it again. And its funny when many gals and i always said that we just wanna become friends. Well how many of us are really true?
I dont know.. Yet to find out. Well for me, i have said that he is not only a bf to me but also a friend. Hence, the change of status doesnt not make any difference although i want to have more. At the end of the day, we still have the essence of us.
But now, fear seems to be hitting me. Fear that he would not call me back into his life. Fear that it will be all gone even the friendship. At this point, we are both heated thinking in our own way. The fear also hits me of what and how should i act when i see him if he doesnt calls be back into the friendship?
Things were very simple to me even after it ends. Although i break down a while, i am up and realize many things and had been glad with things. Messaged and call him as usual. At times do call him in the middle of the night when i needed a friend to talk to. Well, to certain extend his definition and my definition of friends is different and my mind tends to complicate it.
Well, there is many ways to get him back into the relationship or friendship. Analizing certain things with words of ponder by my dear friend, i can do something to get him back. But yet, i dont want to. It is then no longer true, no longer a happy heart between us. Knowing that the things i can do to psycho him, just make me realize that this is not want i want to do.
If he were to step back in is with his pure heart and mind with his own willingness. Even as a friend that we wants to keep, he should step back in himself. All this time, i have always put situations into him to ponder but that seems to be psychoing him and conforming him. Maybe, maybe i did it unintentionally. But i have never thought of doing so. I have always take things true and honest.
Well, it funny that i am finally pouring more in here. Seems like at least i could take it out of my heart. He may feel as a personal attack but i am not. I dont even know if he reads my blog.
Well, what ever will happen will happen. Fear is just a distraction.
Knowing myself, i nothing can stop me.
Life goes on no matter what and will just be flexible and will know how to deal with it when time comes.
Cheers!!
CaSt YoUr FeArS aSiDe AnD lOoK dEeP dOwN iNsIdE!!
ThE hErO iS wItHiN yOuRsElF!!!!