I did something stupid last night... Watched football with him over beer but never at peace... tried to talk sense with him... tried to get him back... yet....
But i finally took my belongings from his place and left at wee hours in the morning... I left with a feeling of death... If not my parents in mind, i would have just jumped down from his apartment...
Wanted to cry out loud and shout it all out but failed to do so... tears just dried up just within minutes.. yet again another mystery..
Does this mean that i have given up? or Does it mean that i am just too hurt till i couldnt even cry?
Guess that i am still lucky that i have a pair of wonderful parents who have always been the drive in my life...
Without them i really could not survive.... they have thought me many things about life and the thing is just to live life to the fullest....
Maybe this is just a learning process... or maybe this is to make me realize that i want a life like my aunties,....
just be alone and enjoy life.... without thinking about anything else... someone that you always have to report to... more responsibilities and so on...
Even if i go on like that.. i am certain that i will be successful and i want my own kids... might go to the sperm bank, might adopt or maybe just fuck and leave with my baby... hehehehehehehhe...
There is always too many questions in life... maybe something in life is better left unsaid and just live on with the mystery....
or maybe have its own mysterious way of showing the big picture later....
well... what ever it is... i will survive... i will.....