MaYbE sOmEdAy!!!

Maybe someday
you'll start living every day true to the best that is within you and seriously pursue your most treasured dreams.

Maybe someday
you'll stop holding back and live the richness of every moment and show the world who you really are.

Maybe someday
you'll explore the best of possibilities that you know in your heart are there.

Maybe someday
you'll see how truly beautiful life can be and understand that nothing can hold you back.

Maybe someday
you'll wake up, see how useless most of your worries have been and stop letting others hold you back.

Maybe someday
you'll decide that your life cannot wait any longer and you'll wonder why you ever waited so long to start living.

Maybe someday you'll decide to go for it.

Maybe someday is coming.

Maybe someday will be sooner that you think.

Maybe someday is here.

Maybe someday is Today!

A cReEd To LiVe By!!!

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others:
It is because we are different that each of us us special.

Don't set your goals by what others people deem important:
Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart:
Cling to them as you would your life,
for without them life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers
by living in the past or the future:
By living your life one day at a time,
you will live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give:
Nothing is really over... until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect:
It is fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks:
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Dont shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find:
The quickest way to receive love is to give love;
The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tightly;
And the best way to keep love is; to give it wings.

Don't dismiss your dreams; to be without dreams is to be without hope:
To be without hope is to be without purpose.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget where you've been,
but also where you are going:
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured
every step of the way.

ClArItY!?!?!

My Gosh!! Never thought just a simple 1 month holidays could be so tiring yet fulfilling. Attended 2 amazing seminar/conference. First was the money and you seminar. That was really a life changing seminar for myself. REalizing many things in my life and have achieve clarity. Then NLDS 2006 an amazing conference that motivates me again.
Been very tired and exhausted attending this 2 event one after another. Mind, body and soul. Well, glad that i have the opportunity to be there.
I dont deny it has been rather hard for me inside but yet manage to pull through, putting certain things aside and enjoyed the whole process.
Well, a part of me feels like i wanna stay forever in both events. Away from reality and just enjoy the clarity, motivations and people. A great learning journey.
It has been a whole new journey of learning, developing day by day, seing so many others developing day by day brought wordless joy to my heart.
Money and you has actually help me see things in my life more clearly and meeting up with a few graduates from the program yesterday reminds me of a lot of things.
Where else in NLDS it has been very touching and emotional for me, many came up and thank me for inspiring them. THat made me realize that it is something that i am really happy doing. Nevertheless many things i did without realizing had motivated and inspired many. Many messages wrote to me saying that i am a great person with personality and so on. This is something that means alot to me. Something that i read any time i have and they motivated me alot too. I couldnt find the words to describe the whole thing but the satisfaction and motivation with the heart shaking is just incredible.
I am really glad to meet all this people and couldnt thank them more for motivating me again and i dont know how more to thank them for all the joy they bring to my heart.
THe other part that i said is hard for me inside is to actually face him for 1 whole week without anything said. Looking at him along with the rest has actually motivated me yet it hurts inside to be so distance in the sense that no hi, bye or even smile.
Its funny and amazing realizing all this mixed feelings inside. Asked him if he were to appologize for what he said. At that instance he said no. Wordless... THen i decided to just ignore and forget about what we had and take it as if i never knew him. He is only my junior in AIESEC and that is it. Some came to say that the way i treated him is just so different in the sense that i treated him and everyone else the same. STill there to support and encourage. Well, no one knows how hard it is inside. Further more i was sleeping alone. Roomate decided not to attend hence am leaft alone. THe funny thing is i still couldnt cry.
Well, spend some time with michelle and i realize that i really care dearly for her. I could say that i actually love this girl and i will keep her for life and as dear dear sister of mine.
Well, after the conference he finally appologize but funny thing is i couldnt really accept it. i dont know why. Have made a decision to forget and let go of what ever memory or feelings of him and he is only to be my junior and that is it.
Well, i told michelle to try to understand what i am going to do next. Told her that i need my time. GUess that what i didnt say was what i am gonna do. Well, time and space is the clue. Couldnt exactly pour it in here cox i know she and him do read my blog. Well, guess that i did pour quite alot already yet there is still so much more that is left unsaid.
So much more to let out but couldnt find the sequence and the words.
Well, am clear that the perfect picture for all of us might be 3 of us happily together, may it be as friends or more. Yet again, i do wish that things could be that beautiful but i realize that i am not in condition to do so. ANd it is also not one's effort. Take the whole team. But i first have to allow myself to do so. DOnt know why i couldnt yet or maybe i just dont want to. First time that i am actually feeling like this and reacting like this. For the first time in my life am actually not gonna fight anymore even for frienship. First time in my life am just gonna discard. Funny..
Maybe time will change everything. Well, i will never know. All i can see is my own future, what i want in life and my friends.
Well, what ever it is i gave my words to her and i made certain decision for myself. So am just gonna be by it and focus on what i want for life while enjoying life with people around me that are worth keeping. Even the older people i met in the money and you seminar said that i am different and i can achieve things that i want in life. Well, a small matter like this is not gonna stop me.
Keep the one that is worth keeping and discard the ones that is not.
LIfe is beautiful and i know that i love everyone around me and they love me for who i am too..
Am happy that i have got so many to support me through anything at all.. people my age and also those who are much older yet sees so much in me.
THank you all... i dont know how else to thank you but am really glad that i know you guys.

lOsT oF wOrDs!!!

Lying here alone at home with the TV on. Parents went back home town, brother went out and not coming home tonight. Plans all cancelled.. Sometimes i hate this feeling of being alone yet sometimes i do need my own time to chill and breath.. But not tonight. Sitting here feeling the pain and emptiness leaves me lost and helpless.
Something just pierce through my heart last night. Cant help feeling silly again. Things were predicted when i went for it. And the funniest thing is, never thought that i am kinda accurate. A friend asked me how could i know/predict. I myself dont know the answer to that. Is either he is that predictable which means he is easy to understand or i am sensitive. Never know.
Well, i realize that i have been too hard.. too hard in doing the things that i thought is right. I still dont know wheter is it right or wrong. I do realize that i pushed him to the wall, maybe because of that he could be so cold and cruel. Nevertheless, one thing that i didnt thought of is that i will be humiliated.
I dont know what i am actually feeling now. I dont know wheter i am angry. I dont know wheter i am sad or disappointed. I dont even know if i will be able to forgive him. To a certain extend i just felt so silly and felt like i have been cheated right from the begining. But i dont know... i dont know.. Everything seems to keep on playing around in my mind.. Seems so lost... All i know and that i can acknowledge is the piercing pain in the heart and the constant chest discomfort. Even if so, i dont know what can i do to release it and let go. Usually i could cry, blab blab blab or scream to get it off my chest, but then i dont know why i cant cry, i couldnt put much in words and i cant even scream it out. And usually forgiving and forgeting and letting go is so easy.. But now, i dont know why.
Then i actually question my worth, my value. Then a friend enlighten me. It makes me think back. Yeah! i am willing to accept that i also had made mistakes. I am willing accept the differences and try to work things out. But then if the other party is not willing to, then i know that party is not worth it, hence why should i question my value. What value is there even to a friendship if one party does not want to fight for it?
Well, there is so much that is running in my mind. Thought that i could try blabbing it all out here. But then, seems like i dont know what else to say anymore nor do i know how to put things in words.
Funny though, usually i can put things out easily especially verbally. This is the first time that i realized that i am stuck. And i wonder why.. Well, guess that i myself have to chill and cool down.
Yet again, am checking into the conference tomorrow. Gotta face him one whole week, i dont know how mush emotional roller coaster gonna happen nor do i know how to face him. Dont know wheter i should just take as if he is invisible and dont acknowledge him or should i just pretend with a bloody thick face.. I dont know...
I dont know how it say anymore..
Guess that maybe silence is golden....

FeAr?!?!?

Went out with a dear friend whom have always understand me and my situation. Really thank God for bringing this gurl into my life. Although the time that we knew each other is short but this is the only gal who actually understands. We are so different yet similiar.. It is funny... but Amazing..
Well a little more pieces cleared up after talking to her.
She reminded me that actions speaks louder that words. And this reminds me that words is a tool that could kill someone or build someone. Well, guess that i should have just ponder and just act as i think what is right. No use telling anymore. Nothing seems to be able to change just by words.
Matter of fact i already told him dont and not to reconsider having it again. And its funny when many gals and i always said that we just wanna become friends. Well how many of us are really true?
I dont know.. Yet to find out. Well for me, i have said that he is not only a bf to me but also a friend. Hence, the change of status doesnt not make any difference although i want to have more. At the end of the day, we still have the essence of us.
But now, fear seems to be hitting me. Fear that he would not call me back into his life. Fear that it will be all gone even the friendship. At this point, we are both heated thinking in our own way. The fear also hits me of what and how should i act when i see him if he doesnt calls be back into the friendship?
Things were very simple to me even after it ends. Although i break down a while, i am up and realize many things and had been glad with things. Messaged and call him as usual. At times do call him in the middle of the night when i needed a friend to talk to. Well, to certain extend his definition and my definition of friends is different and my mind tends to complicate it.
Well, there is many ways to get him back into the relationship or friendship. Analizing certain things with words of ponder by my dear friend, i can do something to get him back. But yet, i dont want to. It is then no longer true, no longer a happy heart between us. Knowing that the things i can do to psycho him, just make me realize that this is not want i want to do.
If he were to step back in is with his pure heart and mind with his own willingness. Even as a friend that we wants to keep, he should step back in himself. All this time, i have always put situations into him to ponder but that seems to be psychoing him and conforming him. Maybe, maybe i did it unintentionally. But i have never thought of doing so. I have always take things true and honest.
Well, it funny that i am finally pouring more in here. Seems like at least i could take it out of my heart. He may feel as a personal attack but i am not. I dont even know if he reads my blog.
Well, what ever will happen will happen. Fear is just a distraction.
Knowing myself, i nothing can stop me.
Life goes on no matter what and will just be flexible and will know how to deal with it when time comes.
Cheers!!
CaSt YoUr FeArS aSiDe AnD lOoK dEeP dOwN iNsIdE!!
ThE hErO iS wItHiN yOuRsElF!!!!

DiSaPpOiNtMeNt?!?!

After very much hassle of breaking up. It is rather funny that many who cares bout me was asked by me to stand by him. So funny that i am in return comforting those who cares and couldnt understand why. Well, to a certain extend i might be hiding, not wanting the others to pressure him or hurt him any further. Nevertheless, i just realize, my own actions is actually hurting him more. I realize that i didnt really understand him. i thought that we had something special, not only as a couple but as friends. But it seems to be only my expectation which makes me feel disappointed yet maybe i am selfish. He said his friends dont call him in the middle of the night unless is a life and death situation which requires him to rush to the scene immidiately. Hmm, when i first think back, my definition is so different. i did something stupid and selfish which telling him things from my persepctive. i have always offer anyone, friends my 24hours 7 days a week beep time. I will not change anything for him. I have always believe in supporting others to make this world a better place. Well, maybe it is just time to accept the differences. Then i found out that he actually compares me and her, not only after breakup. Thinking back right from the beginning he has been comparing. Although the outcome seems good, i dont feel happy. Seems like i have to meet up to a certain par set by him. It makes me feel like the whole thing for him is just a simple rebound and there is nothing special between us. I cannot deny that i am very disappointed and i did tear. But yet again, there is no one to be blame. i will take responsibilities for myself for letting myself face this, for allowing myself to once again rush into something.
Knowing that there is no brigthness of future, yet i allow my heart to take the risk with justifying that i wanna feel and make the best out of it. Well, maybe this is the consequences of my own actions. The worst is, i made him landed on the same path with a deeper cut. To a certain extend i feel i have not lose him at all. We are still friends. We could be better of good friends because we had shared something special. But then, realizing all this, had put myself in disappointment. I never really knew him. Well, have decided to leave till the time that he calls me back into his life may it be just friends, close/good friends or something deeper. All that is needed in this is time.
Yet again, NLDS is coming up. Is this sunday that we are all checking in to the precamp. We will have to face each other for a week. And i dont know what to do now. I dont know wheter i should just pull out. I am scared. Scared seing him depress. Scared of myself feeling awkard and sad. Even if i stay on and attend, what should i do when i see him? Should i just avoid and not talk to him? Should i just pretended like nothing happen at all and just talk to him? All this are avoiding. What? What is the best resolution for this?
I asked him how was he feeling. He couldnt tell me, only then i found out that he is actually stressed. Well, all this are my own assumptions. I may analize it wrongly. But what can i do to know? What can i do to know how to deal with this, not knowing what he actually thinks and feel? All i needed is just a little talk with him, to clear all those uncertain bout the both of us. But how? He wouldnt talk? He is not ready. Most of the time he just keep quiet, then a sudden blast. How? I wish that someone, God maybe can just come and tell me the answer. But then, every single things that happen in life is my own responsibilities. The answer is only between us and within us. Even if he honestly tell me certain things i would accept and take in my responsibilities and think of a solution. But then.. i will never know when, how, what, why and so on. Guess that i will just have to deal this myself and find an answer only for myself, and will avoid hurting him in anyway.
Attended an amazing seminar, had a breakthrough and realize many things. It is a no regret paying so much for this seminar. It is inline with what i ahve always wanted to, make this a better place where everyone is considerate about everyone and no one wins or loses in any situation. It develops wealth and most importantly you within yourself and also relationship. In this situation of mine, i feel like it is a win/lose situation. And i have been wondering how to create a win/win situation. Then i realize that, although i want to, i will need him to also want it. If everyone only for themselves then situations will definitely remain win/lose. They thought us this in a very hard lesson. Words that really hits many of us in the seminar. The facilitator put us in a game, from the game itself some would think of others and try to win togeter, some only want to win for themselves. Then he puts everyone and i in a state of thinking, is winning myself is all that counts? Just because i want to win i put someone else suffering? Have we actually thought of the consequences of being selfish?
The seminar made me realize that there are many things to ponder. Would wanna share all this with everyone. It does help make me a better person and help everyone who wants to be a better person and it strives to make this world a better place. Am glad am really glad. With the people that i met there, although the time is really short but we shared alot and help each other alot. Thank you all for being there to support me.
Thinking back of everything and reflects back on reality, i am now thinking of a solution rather than just compromising that will hurt me deeper at the end. But how can i do so when the other party doesnt wanna find a solution? Dealing with myself, is just me compromising. Although i dont mind compromising but it is true that it will come back and hit me at some point. I know i am no one to force others to do things out of their own will but i do really hope and pray that we will be allowed to deal with this together rather then waste it all by just avoiding and leave one party at the losing end.
Well, what ever it is, it is not wrong to feel all this emotions. Emotions are humankind experience. Somehow or rather i know, i will find the solutions.
Well, what ever it is, although i am lost. Although some think that i am stupid.
I still have faith in him. I am a woman of integrity and i will carry out my promise and i will be there for him if he needs me although i am out of his path.
I have losta love in me and will share it with everyone in my life.
Confidence is Love,
Love is Truth,
Truth is Peace,
Peace is Bliss.

LoVe!!!

Mysteries of life. Many and i also dont understand how life actually works. Many dont understand what others think and act. Many dont understand why certain things happen. Guess that is why life is for us to explore.
Many objected and many also supported us when things begin. Many dont see it but yet some still stood by and support. When circumstances part us, many were shocked and didnt understand. Some felt like its unfair to me, some felt like it is not true. Thinking back, many thought that we were compatible and we make a perfect pair. Well, guess that many things in life just dont seems like the way it is. Hmm.. another mysteries of life.
I am really touched and thankful for those who stood by me. Although not understand how i stood strong yet still concern and care.
Well, things are rather simple now.
Loving someone doesnt mean that you have to own him/her.
Loving somone would make you happy when you see him/her happy.
There is a saying that goes
Dont shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find:
The quickest way to recieve love is to give love,
The fatest way to lose love is to hold on too tightly,
And the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous. Love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endure all things.
LOVE NEVER FAILS.
Do note that love is subjective and can be percept differently. Love for life, Love for family, love for friends.
Love constantly exist in many different ways.
ChErRiSh ThE lOvE yOu HaVe AnD sHaRe LoVe!!!

LiFe?!?!?! cHaLlEnGeS?!?!

here i am again. Letting go of a person whom i love and care. although the period is short but it seems so long and deep. Funny how life can be. Every challenges that is put forward by life gets more and more weird and though but funny in a way. For the first time in my life i thought that i am finally with someone who is more innocent and better. Someone whom i could rely on and trust. But right from the begining itself it is known that it would not work but yet made a pledge to make the best out of what we have. well, it is not like its all spoiled unless he is not able to face it. Its just that it would never be the same with the different status. But if we never lose anything maybe the friendship, then status doesnt really matters. Maybe its because of what i want. "I love you but i am not ready for a relationship". This is a really sad line yet happy wind to the ears. But it just feel sad that 2 souls who loves each other and falling into each other so deep cannot be together due to circumstances. Questions like why begin when its gonna be like this. It is in a way rather funny when you are already in a relationship then you are not ready for it. Pledge made can be just given up by one soul's decision. Is it selfish or is it for betterment of both? Yet again if one is uncertain wouldnt it be better to work it out together? But other circumstances is put into the situation despite the pledge. Well, despite all this wondering, i am letting go, hoping and praying with all my heart and soul he would be happy and would live the best of life. "I will stand by you darling regardless of anything even if it cuts deep down inside".
Well, another mystery of life. Why? Why would God put two loving souls together and yet not allow them to grow? Is he trying to teach us selflessness? Is he trying to teach us that you have to give wings to love and let it fly?
Personally i learnt that you dont have to own or be together with someone you love. Just being there making the person happy would bring more joy. Why wanna hang on when it is gonna hurt both soul?
Yet the questions always bug me why why would God keep on challenging me with all this? In my love life it has always been a challenge. It is not once or twice but times after times. Am amaze that i still have faith in God. Although fretting, i still believe that there is a blessings in disguise and there is a lesson to learn.
Well,many things in life, we just have to let go. Learning to let go, forgive and forget would make a difference in life. Maybe that is what Life is trying to teach me.
I want you to know i have never regret a single moment that i am with you.
And i was with my pure and true heart towards you and i still am.
Every single moment is carved deeply inside to be cherished, today, tomorrow and for eternity.
What ever happens, i will stay as your good friend and i will stand by you darling!
Open up and live your life to the fullest ok?
Make the best out of it and dont carry regrets with you.
I will be here whenever you need me and i will help you through it.
I LOVE YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS DO!

pOnDeRiNg!!

Sitting here in a special someone's room. Thinking and wondering. Had a very intensed conversation with him last night. Getting to know things more and understand things. Matter of fact many girls will be hurt after hearing the conversation but i wasn't.. In fact i was more worried. Worried that i would turn out to be the person who will hurt him in the end. But we just started. How could we know that things will be how he thought will be because of some factors taken into consideration. Parents, religion, history etc etc...
But then this new relationship was kinda weird. It seems like we both know what will challenge us in the near future, assuming that i will be doomed somehow.. Yet again we both jump into it. Thinking of all the 'what ifs' might end up in regrets if we dont do so. Maybe its because if we had it, we knew we once had it and there will not be regrets if it ends up the way predicted.
Feelings is there. Fun, caring and so on. Its all there. But there is also a fear of falling.. falling in love and out of love. Well, there is also fear and worries that might make us not enjoy everything without realizing. But he has been supportive and caring. To a certain extend he did his part in assuring us.
So far, he has always been there putting a smile on my face when i was stressed. Cheer me up and relaxes me when i was tensed. Many many little little things that he noticed, he does made me feel like maybe i dont deserve such a nice good boy. I felt like i am the bad one. I might be the one who spoils him, the one who might pull him way down.
Although he havent actually said he loves me, i know he do. From the way he treats me, think for me and so on. It has just been 5 days between us.
Well, i feel lucky to have this. Once in my life someone who is more real. Someone who do what he thinks a man should do. Not in those manner of players hitting on a girl but a more real thing to assure both of us and make us both stronger.
Well, maybe this is a blessing after so many pitfalls in life. Maybe this is something that can build me back. Maybe it is another secret of life that i havent realize. God work in many different ways that surprises people.
Although we have to bare with this things right at the beginning of our relationship and we still ended up in it, i think i should cherish it and enjoy it at every given moments.
At least i know i once had it all..
Boils down to the same thing..
LiVe LiFe To ThE fUlLeSt!!!!

SeCrEt Of LiFe?!?!?!

Well, havent been blogging for a while.. Been busy with stuff.. studies, assignments, projects and so on.. Hmm.. Lately, seems to have seen and experienced many different things.. Realizing things and secret of life.. Well, it seems like things has been getting better in my life.. Seems like many good news pouring in.. Well, if it is that perfect then i am lying.. There is also alot of things that prompt me thinking as well..
Watched a cd regarding secret of life.. It is stated that life abides by the 'law of attraction'. All the wealth, health, relationship and bad things that happen in life it is because you attracted it. Well, i really wonder if it is really so.. Well, tried believing in it and been trying their remedy to better life.. It seems working and quite good so far for me.. hehhehe...
But yet, off course along the way there are many challenges...
Well, i believe that if you want something, you have to want it 110% then the possibilities of getting it would be brighter.. So maybe if you guys have seen the CD, it would work for you.. but i will never know..
Something that is not there but it is there. It is something that couldnt be but could. Vice versa.
Confusion?!?!
You want something but you dont know if you can get it. When it is in front of you, you dont know wheter you really want it or you dont know if it could be.. Vice Versa.
Lost?!?!
If it is gonna be doomed right from the beginning why pursue..
Afraid?!?!
Life is filled with all this.. Day in day out, there is something that we wonder, something that we are afraid about. Something that we are uncertain..
But the future is not ours to see..
Life is just as it is at the moment. It is good to have planning for the future but you will never know is there is a tomorrow.. SO..
Why not live the moment?
Why not enjoy life and appreciate what you have in front of you?
Why not be bold and fight for what you want?
At least even if it couldnt be, you know you once had it. Memories to cherish. No regrets.
Things in life cant break you, unless you allow it.
Life is a journey in learning and it only makes you stronger.
Life is short!!
What ever happens..
LiVe LiFe To ThE fUlLeSt!i!i!