-sUnShInE oR rAinStoRm-

We did not vow that there will always be sunshine and roses in our relationship. I guess somehow rather imcomplete if it is only all sunshine and roses without rainstorm.

"Suffering builds character" so said my lovely hubby everytime i face upon challenges.
It has always been a motivation for myself to build more of myself to be the better person that i am.
Never did i know, our heartaches would be so soon around the corner.
A little decision i made, a simple action of what i felt like doing at that point, never have i thought would trigger it.

Now facing at this cross road, i am rather lost. I am still figuring out how to deal with this.
We had finally manage to talk over it, after 2 agonizing days of silence.
Although so, i still feel that there is still distance between us that i have never felt before.
I wonder if he feels the same...

What can i do when it comes to the difference of beliefs?
What will i do to come to a resolutions, non compromising by either party?
What am i going to do to patch this little hole between us now?

Somehow, I felt i was subjected to emotional punishment for decisions that i made as an individual but not accepted by him.
Somehow, I felt that i dont deserve such treatment as i felt i am blamed for taking his feelings for granted even when i did open up to him.
Somehow, I understand that it must have hurt him so so much to be triggered such way.
Somehow, I understand that it takes much of his love to react such way and i am glad that he finally is able to express his true feelings and emotions.
Somehow, deep inside despite the hurt that both of went through i know that we love each other greatly.

But i guess for now, only time would be able to heal.
I guess maybe every single inch of hurt will be flushed away when our skins touch again.
Maybe, just maybe.
However it may be, i am still clear that i do love this man truly madly deeply through sunshine or rainstorm.
My love, my hubby, my bunbun... :)

- tEaRs Of LoVe -

So much feelings and emotions running through my body.
Shivering through every inch of my body.
Tears run down my cheeks as i am writing.
Never have i experience this feeling before.
Never have i tear so much while smiling.
The more love i feel the more tears run down my cheeks.
Then I realized that I am in love till it hurts.

December 2nd/3rd,
The very day that i will always remember.
The very day that we had a surprise birthday party for my love.
The very day that he kissed me publicly in the witness of more than 150 people.
The very day that i seen him tear looking into my eyes.
and it is
The very day that he recites his vow.
The very day that he asked my hand in marriage.
The very day that i first felt love till it hurts.
The very day that i first cried so much for being loved and being in love.
The very very day that he calls me as his wife.

Today, chatting with him over skype, my feelings overwhelmed me again.
So much shared within such a short period of time.
So much to be planned and done for the fairy tale to live.
So much to endure for our very very own happily ever after.
Then i realized how much we have been through together.

This very man showed me so much about love,unconditional love.
This very man has been my story to share that affects so many around me.
This very man brought miracle, love, hope and everything sweet into my life.
This very man supported me endlessly for me to achieve my dreams and beyond.
most of all,
This very man brought me into me.
This very man is my fairy tale come true.
This very man is now my dearest lovely hubby.
and
This very man is no other than Mr Alvin Wee.

Thank you love. Thank you.
I love you.

sOaRiNg & FlYiNg!

Lately seems rather unusual.
Not much words writen, just lyrics and songs.
Somehow, the songs sang my soul.
Maybe i lost my words in love. Maybe i lost my words in joy. Maybe i lost my words in all these blessed humankind experiences.
Everything seems like a fairytale right now. Many many new happenings in my life, not only in my lovely love life, it is also in almost every aspect in my life.
I will believe that it all begins from love. I love to love and be love. I love not only my family, my boyfriend, i love everyone around me may it be sunshine or rain.

After a short chat with a friend today, i realized that i appreciate much much more of my lovely boyfriend whom i feel loves me unconditionally truly from his pure heart.
Somehow, listening to her sob i was afraid that somehow someday i will never be able to feel him anymore. I am afraid that this fairytale will end.

I may say this whenever i am in a new relationship.
Well, i would always say that my new relationship is different.
I could not deny that i would say the same phrases as well.
Somehow, he is really a whole new realm in my life. Never have i been pampered, spoiled and love like this before. Never have i love this way, never have i been love this way before.

wIsHiNg ThAt OuR fAiRyTaLe NeVeR wIlL bE eVeR aFtEr!!!

mAsTeRpIeCe
(Atlantic Starr)

A simple touch of your hand,
And everything is right.
The gentle way you look at me,
When we kiss goodnight.
You've given me the freedom no other love has known
And now I thank you girl , thank you girl

The countless ways you've touched my heart
Is more than I can say
The beauty that you've shown to me
takes my breath away
A picture perfect painting, that's what our love is
And yes I need you so, and now I know

Chorus:
ooooh
I've found a masterpiece in you
a work of art it's true
And I treasure you my love
ooooh
I've found a masterpiece in you
a work of art it's true
And I treasure you

Sometimes I wonder what I'd be
Had I not found you
A least and lonely soul this world
could show me nothing new

But now my life's a canvas
painted with your love
And it will always be
And now I see

The two of us together
Through time will never pass
This fairy tale we shared
is real inside our hearts
let it be forever
never let it end
this promise I do make
Heaven is ours to take

Repeat chorus

When I'm lost and insecure
you build me up and make me sure
that everything will be alright
My love

Repeat chorus

This fairy tale we're sharing
is real inside our hearts
Let it be forever
never let it end

yOu, My LoVe Is ThE wInD bEnEaTh My WiNgs!

wInGs BeNeAtH mY WiNgS
(Bette Midler)

Ohhhh, oh, oh, oh, ohhh.
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strain.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.


Ever since BSE, much has been happening.
I developed much faster than i ever thought.
For this, i cannot deny that you has always been there.
You have always volunteer to be the wind beneath my wings,
without any frets nor frowns.
You have always been so willing and giving.
Thank God for you.
Thank you, my love.
I will never be without you.

hIs SiLeNt PlEdGe & FeElInGs To MuA!!!

gLoRy Of LoVe
(Peter Cetera)

Tonight it's very clear
as we're both standing here
There's so many things I want to say
I will always love you
I will never leave you alone
Sometimes I just forget
say things I might regret
It breaks my heart to see you crying
I don't want to lose you
I could never make it alone

CHORUS
I am a man who would fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you're dreaming of
We'll live forever knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love

You keep me standing tall
You help me through it all
I'm always strong when you're beside me
I have always needed you
I could never make it alone

CHORUS

Just like a knight in shining armor
From a long time ago
Just in time I will save the day
Take you to my castle far away

CHORUS

We'll live forever knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love
We did it all for love


Although you did not recite your pledge, i feel it.
Although you did not tell your feelings, i feel it.
Your actions my love, speaks it all.
Many words said is all in this particular song.
Feels exactly as how you feel for me and your pledge is so strong and real.
I will always be by yourside whenever you need me.
I love you too.

a MoMeNt LiKe ThIs!

A Moment Like This
(Kelly Clarkson)

What if I told you it was all meant to be?
Would you believe me, would you agree?
Its almost that feeling that we've met before so tell me that you dont think Im crazy when I tell your love is here and now.

A Moment like this.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.
Some people search forever for that one special kiss.
I cant believe its happening to me.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.

Everything changes, but beauty remains.
Something so tender I cant explain.
Well I may be dreaming but til I awake..Can we make the dream last forever?
And I'll cherish all the love we share for a moment like this.

Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.
Some people search forever for that one special kiss.
I cant believe its happening to me.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.

The speed of waiting love of all.
I wanna know that you will catch me when I fall.
So let me tell you this.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this...

Some people search a lifetime for a moment like this.
Some people search forever for that one special kiss.
I cant believe its happening to me.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.


Music speaks much of my soul and much of my feelings. At this very moment, i feel like i am still waiting for a moment like this although it is happening to me.

mY pLeDgE tO yOu My LoVe!

Valentine
(Martina Mcbride & Jim Brickman)

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I’d still feel for you

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
You’re all I need, my love, my valentine

All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You’ve opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly

I’ve dreamed of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn’t love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time...
You’re all I need, my love, my valentine

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
’cause all I need is you, my valentine
You’re all I need, my love, my valentine

lIFe!!!

"Life is just so fragile. We wouldn't know if we survive tomorrow. Just want you to know, make the best out of everyday. Let bygones be bygones. Sorry if i have done you wrong. Let us start a brand new story, making the best out of our time. This message is send in memory of my 20 year old friend, Calvin Teo who has just left us this very morning. 19th August 2007."

Those were the words that was send out to most of my friends this very morning. A little reminder to all of us that life is fragile and unpredictable. We would never know what will happen tomorrow. As they say, the future is not ours to see.
Hence, we should all start living each day to the fullest, living no regrets at the end of our lives.

Been pondering the whole day today. Guess that i am pretty much affected. Calvin died of cancer and a few of my aunties were diagnose with breast cancer. So many unpleasant news coming in within such a short period of time. Made me feel rather helpless. The whole day of reflection and pondering. There is so much thoughts that i wanted to pour out here. Been thinking of so many incidences and a better way to jot it all here and share. Share and build all of us. But it seems like i couldnt put my thoughts and words properly.

I am not fretting nor am i ranting. Just that much ponders made me realized that life is really short, fragile and unpredictable. Reflecting on my own life, i realized that i have been making mountain out of mole hills. I have been taking my life for granted and have not been making the best out of everyday, every single moment.

Many were born everyday and many depart everyday. Life and death is such a mystery. A jigsaw puzzle for every single one of us to put together. Non knows how it actually works till the very last moment. But the very last moments are often too late to share and hence life goes on as a mystery and adventure for us to explore.

I made a pledge today. I made a pledge to myself to start cherishing every single moment of ups and downs in my life. I pledge to make the best out of everyday, every moment of my life. I pledge to continue sharing and bring more happiness to myself and people around me. I pledge to love myself and everyone around me. I, Chang Kit Ti pledge to live my life to the fullest!

Calvin's departure is not a great loss, but a great lesson. Something to be shared with everyone around me as well. His presence will always be remembered.
His strive will always be an inspiration. His departure will always be a reminder.

Calvin, although i don't know you well, but you have pretty much touched our lives. Reminding us on our own lives. Reminding us that we should live our lives to the fullest. Your departure is matter of fact a blessing in diguise and a lesson to be remembered. I guess now, you are near to God, watching over us, showering us with your heartful blessings. May you rest in peace.

i Am WhO i Am!

Another rare occasion. A sudden urge of blogging nonstop.
Mind and emotions are rather messy today.
Initially this entry is intended to sound of anger. An entry of warning. An entry of f**king those b*****ds.
But it seems like my soft points has taken over the anger. My silliness once again locked my own emotions.
Myself blame once again turned the scenario around, feeling that it is my own choice and my own decision, my own fault.
Constant self blame is consuming more and more of my soul.
Self realization - improvements
Self blame - rants and destruction
Seing the distinction, i should be able to start on my improvements rather than go on ranting and destructing myself.

Somehow, i still feel like ranting, i feel like quarantining myself , feel like lashing all my anger and frustration.
I am upset, upset and tired of all the games and conflicts. Tired of all the people whom took advantage of my softness. Upset with all the game of attractions and lust.
Sick and tired of my own stupidity. Sick and tired of my insecurities and fear. Sick and tired of pretending, pretending to be strong, to be bold to be who i am not.
Argh!!!!
Enough is enough.

No more pretending. No more succumbing. No more faking. No more pleasing beyond my boundaries. No more hiding.
I am gonna be who i am. I am gonna allow my own emotions to flow. I am gonna be honest and true to myself.
I am who i am. I feel how i feel. I am the master of my own life.

dOeS iT eXiStS?!?

They often say that dramas/movies are often reflection of reality.
Been watching some silly chinese romance drama. Yes "chinsese" drama. Although many of you know that i am not much literate in the chinese language but i am still
chinese and i do understand the language fairly. Just maybe i am not able to converse well.

I realized that every romance drama may it be taiwanese, korean or japanese, the story lines are often similiar. Complex love triangle, one drama after another, sacrifices, silent heartaches, extremely romantic love pursues, status differences,
faith, believes and bla bla bla.

Somehow or rather the stories seems rather fake to me. I wonder if such happenings do happen in reality?

Does it really happen in reality that one would sacrifice so much for another in the name of love? Sacrificing beyond status and life?
Does it happen in reality that one would love another silently, hiding all the heartaches to help the one loved to pursue another love?
Does all the silly but extremely romantic luxurious dates really happen in reality?
Can all the touching lines and philosphies be applied in reality?
Does such love purity exists?

I wonder, i really wonder. Maybe i have not seen or heard before of such happenings in my 23 year old of life.
Weirdly, somehow i would feel a pinch of heartache every single time.
Seems much of the purity of love reflects on my romantic idealistic pursues.
But will it ever happen for me?
Can all the drama in my reality just perish?
Will it ever be simple and pure?
Will there be someone whom will be as silly as i am?
Does it even exists???

mAyBe...

Here it goes again! Another happening, another flow of emotions, another realization.
Heard a song when i was watching a silly chinese romance drama, song seems to be one of the root of my misery. One of the contributing factor to my darker side. Sounds of my fear and heartache.
Rarely of me confessing in detail but i believe this is a good start of me accepting that i actually am feeling so and a good begining for me to change.

Eric Carmen - All By Myself
When i was young
I never needed anyone
And makin' love was just for fun
Those days are gone

Livin' alone
I think of all the friends i've known
But when i dial the telephone
Nobody's home

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
All by myself anymore

Hard to be sure
Some times i feel so insecure
And love so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
All by myself anymore

Well, i guess i should not deny anymore that i don't wanna be all by myself. I could not deny that this fear leads me to one companion after another. Sillily allowed myself to fall deeper into the pit every single time of retreat. One after another, heartahce after heartache, stupidity after stupidity has caused much of my self value, esteem and believes.
A gurl whom have always fake self confidence now could not pretend anymore. Much has been blowned away. What is left is only the little strength that still go on fighting and believing through the darkness and fear.

"What you resists persists"
Maybe this pharase is pretty much true. Maybe i have been resisting too much. Maybe i have been feeling too much.
Maybe...

me???

Seen this thing sometime ago but wasnt really keen in trying it out. This morning, dont know what struck me while i was checking out a friend's site, i decided to just play and see how it turns out.
Ladies and gentlemen! Here is the results...........

http://www.myheritage.com

Here is a second attempt... Just checking out if there are repititions... hahaha

http://www.myheritage.com

funny huh?? me looking like them??
Well, it is all for the fun!!!
adios!

wOrK?!?!?

1.30am. Couldnt sleep for unknown reasons. Mind is wondering about everything. Heart messing around for uncertain reasons.
Been waking up at certain time in the morning depsite late nights like today. Mornings seems such a routine now. Wake up, shift laptop to the table, check mails/work, make a few calls while looking through my organizer for the day's appointments and plans then shower and leave. After the morning routine everything else is impromtu. Total freedom!
Sounds much like a dream job to others that i get to work from home. Wake up much later, no morning traffic, lotsa freetime to hang around, late nights are permissible and total freedom. Well, there is always boons and banes in any case. Well, all the boons are stated as above but sometimes it is rather hard to find the motivation for the day to go on. I am rather certain that my motivation comes from people. I love working with people. I love to go through rainstorm and sunshine with people and achieve/complete the tasks together.

Well much of work focus is on the current project. To produce better recordings for my client, the Hop On Hop Off busses. Been scouting and scavenging for Voice Over talents for all the nine languages and also recording studio. In this case, everytime i hit a wall, my motivations drop. Yet again, a job is a job. And the bridge has been burnt by my dear client. So it is do or die. With the mindset of all or nothing, i continue to knock my head on one wall after another. Yet sometimes feeling unproductive. But i will definitely do my best!
The situation started when i was thrown into the deep end right from the begining due to my network. Dealing with this current project that i dont have a single idea what it is about. Audio recordings??? Studios?? Voice Over??? What my director told me was, the deep end is where you will learn. Many say there is where mistakes are permissible and much room for improvement.

Well, i would not deny that. I did much mistakes. Crying out loud for help after hitting one wall after another. Somehow, Thank God for sending me such sweet and nice clients and many helpful individuals. My dear clients have been very concerned about my stress level, how am i progressing and wheter i could cope. They have helped me much in climbing one wall after another. On the sideline, they have been inviting me for "drinks" with them on weekends which i have not allow myself to do so by stating that a clear line of work and social should be drawn. Yet one of them kept on asking me out on lunch or dinner which has not happen till today unless with the presence of my patners and their patners. But after much considering, there is no harm adding my clients into my social network which would inturn bring in more opportunities of business besides having another friend for a drink. Well, maybe would go for a drink or two with them someday.

Such a mundane entry. Well, for once it is about work although i have much ponderings still. Seems rather moodless to rant lately. Much of a silent ponderer lately.
The other new stitch is i have just submitted my resume/application to work abroad through AIESEC. Shall be confirming where i will be heading and when am i leaving in a month or two. Still feeling neutral despite the anxiety. Maybe then i will know more of me and the world. Maybe then my view would be challenged. Maybe then i would be a more complete person.
I wouldnt know. Still in midst.

fRiEnDsHiP vS oBlIgAtIoNs

Friendship in my very own dictionary has a very wide aspect. A few fact that i have come to known about friendship are;
1. Friends come and go, only true friend stays despite the distance and obstacles.
2. Some friends called you friends when you have a usage value.
3. Friends, True friends understands and respect each other.
4. There is no obligations in friendship, willingness and heartfulness is the key.
5. Friendship is something beautiful and to be cherished.
6. Friends support each other and elevate each other.
7. many many more... some maybe just my own willingness to do so...

People once asked me, who are your true friends. At one point of my life i didnt know. I realized that i met and know a lot of people, so do everyone else. With the tonnes of numbers saved in my mobile phone and tonnes of name cards kept, i could not find a person whom i was willing to call out in time of need.
A fact about me, i would keep as much friends as i could. I get emotionally attached and closed with new friends very fast. But yet in time of need i couldnt call anyone just shows how much of me i actually let out for people to know. Well, maybe it is my personal barrier.

Somehow, i know my tolerance within friendship is rather high in times of storm. I would keep my promise of being there as much as i can. Just dont take advantage of my softness and tolerance. I have no obligations. I have a right to stand on my own decisions.

*arghh* Don't know why a sudden hold back within me now thinking about friendship. A feel of a little suffocation at times. What is wrong with me? Will i ever have true friends that would accept me as who i am, listening to all my bitching and my dirtiest confessions and yet not judge me?

-looking upon the star wishing for joy and love for every single friend of mine out there. May you be close to me or just an aquaintance, i hope that you are blessed with much love and joy-

sElf MaDe CoNfUsIoNs.

Here goes the thoughts again. The over analyzing part of me. The making a mountain out of molehill part of me.

Well, i realized that my drama hook is actually men. To be more specific my drama hook lies in the game of attractions between genders. A lot said i am rather flirtacious. Well, even if i am, i don't realize it. It seems to be just me socializing. But i guess sometimes i maybe too open or maybe blur(speak before thinking). Somehow or rather, this has been told to me and for me to realize sometime ago and i seems to have accepted it as who i am. Constantly socializing and flirting. In a way, it is no harm but i have to know my boundaries. But the struggle within me is my boundaries seems to be way off the supposed boundaries which time after time made me question myself.

I do admit that i like to play games especially in the arena of flirting and I also do admit that i get infactuated very easily. I could like someone as easy as changing my clothes. Well, this part of it is not much of a problem, infactuations are just a little bitsy of fun. But the confusing part of me is i often get confused somehow or rather in the midst of the game.
I realized sometimes i decieved myself into having feelings for the person. Sometimes i wonder where is the game bringing me to. Funny, knowing and playing the game, clearly seing the line, why do i still get caught in this?

Someone once said to me, maybe i like being love. Maybe i like being like, being paid attention. But is this who i really am? Is this what i am gonna go on doing? Playing the game one after another? If it is so, when will i ever rest since i am feeling the tiredness?
Well, maybe i am looking too hard. Looking for the king of my heart. The comfort shoulder and the spices of my days.
Despite much bitter past, somehow i still believe. But i am sensing the start of the tiredness to still believe.
Maybe what i have always percieved is coming true. I may just end up alone. I may have a companion but maybe still much alone within.
Tiredness and much questioning has much affected my self-esteem and slowly turning me into a rat. *sighz*

pEr 'StOp' An IsLaNd!!!

a picture speaks a thousand words.
















All in all the trip was great! Peace and serenity by the beach. With fantastic company.
The only thing that bothers me is the destruction of the underwater world.
The beautiful island, breath taking underwater world that i have once seen and experienced are now all gone before my very eyes. *sighzz*

-anyhow let happy memories stay as positive. will start pouring more thoughts out when the itch comes again- ;P

p/s: dont mind the messyness of the pictures...

JuLy 3rd 2007

As the clock hits 12am July 3rd, marks the end of the bygones and a begining of a new chapter. Sweet wishes started pouring in as a few friends and i were amused and entertained by Transformers. A good start of a simple new chapter, filled with laughters and much amusement.
The very morning itself, i woke up with much excitement for the day's plan. My dear pals had made plans to go on an eating spree.
Began our journey at 1030am, when i started picking one by one till the last gurl before we switched to her car that is obviously more spacious than mine to fit all 6 of us. Journey began with a little disappoinment when we had trouble getting our return bus ticket for the Perhentian Island Trip and when the noodle stall that sells good 'pan min'(flour noodle) was closed.
Despite the hassle of rearranging our return transport, we carried on and headed to Chan Sow Lin for the famous fish head. Was a good meal, delicious off course. We had 2 different sauce of fish head, vegetable and tofu (beancurd) with rice.
Then we headed straight to Kajang looking for the famous Kajang satay. Getting the first stall wrong and not contented with the satays, we hopped on to another stall which was the famous satay stall known by all.
After the 2 different servings of satays, we then decided that we want something sweet instead and headed to Sri Petaling for desserts. Something light yet yummy.
By the time we were done with dessert, it was about time to head to Teluk Gong for our dinner. Seafood!
Well, i started sensing that the gurls(the guy is considered as our sisters :p) were up to something and they are planning to surprise me and arranging the timing and another guy to get the cake for tonight.
It was rather hilarious as they didnt know i already sense something fishy and they were whispering as i took over the wheels heading to Teluk Gong. And to add on to my suspicion, the guy that they asked to buy the cake kept on calling and the gurls kept on pretending that he wanted to join us in Teluk Gong but he was too late.
Well, after the scrumptious dinner we had to head back to one of the gurls house to get my car before heading to dessert again. Getting my car was an excuse for them to pick the other guy up with the cake but what was hillarious, 4 of the gurls went on the other car and only yenyung followed me.
Well, as he hopped into my car i asked him directly are they up to something and he knew he couldnt lie to me. Well, then we started thinking on playing tricks on the gurls with silly ideas like 'opps i gotta go back'. But in the end i decided to go on with the flow.
Then at the dessert shop, calls came in and i was chatting and puffing outside instead of sitted inside the restaurant with him. And comes another hillarious happening when i accidentally turned and saw the rest arriving. As i turned away and pretended of not noticing them, they were all already in shocked that i was standing outside. When i turned around again, they were all running the opposite direction. Couldnt help my laughters i quickly step in to wait for them.
Then came the rest along with the cake with candles and the birthday song. Upon blowing off the candles i burst into laughters and they knew it was busted. But what they didnt know was I sensed it much earlier and told them that i wanted to play tricks on them.
It was really sweet of them to plan on a surprise. Well gurls, thank you so much for the whole day trip and the surprise. It is definitely another day and moments for me to cherish. I am really glad to have you guys/gals. May our years of beutiful friendship continue growing despite the coming obstacles of time and space.

A day filled with tonnes of food and laughters. Stomach almost exploded. ;P

But some of the gurls said they still have space for more. *sweat*

6 sisters on the road!
Regina, Valerie, Yvonne & Yenyung

Audrey & Kitti

Afternoon dessert.

Showing off the sign board as a proof that we were at Teluk Gong.

The surprise birthday cake!

Finally with the 7th sisters.

Kitti, Audrey, Regina, Kelvin(7th sisters), YenYung, Valerie, Yvonne

Thank you gurls! Love ya loads!

The very next day, we headed to Perhentian Island for the weekend. Had lotsa fun and as usual nonstop laughters and sillyness.

*ps: dont mind my messyness of thoughts, powderful ingland and probably typo. Having insomia with 3 more hours to sleep before waking up for meeting. And body has been rejecting food for few days. God knows why*

fLaShBaCk!

Been some time since i last sat down and blog. For the past 2 months, it is weird that i dont feel like blogging despite so many new happenings. The itch and urge to blog did not hit me at all. Just sometimes a little thought of obligation to update my blog or maybe write something which i couldnt put in words. And i did not visit any of my pals blog as well despite wanting to know how are they doing and what is new with them. Wondering what is up with me? Well, maybe i am tired of ranting, maybe i am in the process of rebirthing. Maybe i needed a little time for myself thoughts, maybe i am just avoiding something.

Lets flashback and look into the month of May and June. Done with my exams for my final year. Got my results and i am OK with it although the funny thing is it is written in the results slip that they send to my house that i 'lulus dengan kepujian' which i dont understand what that means. I thought now they dont have the class segregation anymore. Rather confusing. Well, why bother. All i know is i am graduating and i am waiting for my convocation in the first week of September.

Not long after my final papers, i joined a new company called Atmic World (M) Sdn Bhd. Their product is funnily known as STARFISH is a GPRS/GSM integrated advanced vehicle tracking systems. Initially i was only in for training and to fill in my time doing something more fruitful while waiting for convocation then go off for my traineeship in a foreign country. The training puts me in a situation without any salary but only commission if i sell their product. So basically it sounds like sales. Well, the funny part is i go out for appointments with my CEO and Managing Director and they usually pick me up instead of me driving. How fun is that? But as i go on, seems like i am given a tittle of project executive and one of my first actual task was to organize the launch of our product. The launch was a little messy i have to say but i managed to get hold of the Star reporters and they did me a great favor by publishing my news 2 days after my launch. Salute to Michelle and MJ!

Well, all in all everything sounds OK but at one point there is a misunderstanding between my CEO and I. But after the occasion of our launch and product noted in the newspaper, he finally sat down, explain and clarify. Well, and he indicated of retaining me. Weird thing is, i am not even employed. I seems to have just joined a group of men in their process of setting up and running their business. From his explanation is i should not be addressing them as my bosses but team mates or mentor. In a certain way he said that once the company is stable he will support me in many ways. In another aspect sounds like he is offering me a patnership. Well, all in all he knows that i want to leave after my convocation for traineeship abroad. Sometimes i wonder if he is just saying to retain me or he is really serious about it. But i know what ever it is now, i have put my words and i will deliver it by doing my best till the day which i really have to leave. Even if i do leave at somepoint, he knows that i am interested in taking this product to a higher extend to the international market starting from where i am heading next. All in all, sounds like a good business opportunity for me. ;)
People, do visit www.my-starfish.com to know more of what i am dealing with.

Let me see what else happened. Throughout this 2 months it seems like it is reunion time. Been bumping into my old friends which i have not seen for ages. People from primary school to the guys and gurls from a different school in secondary and some from my form 6 in KTAR. Then been clubbing almost every weekend. And i tried something new which i did not thought i would have the courage to try it. Well, that caused me hell for few days.

The other good news is i met a lovely lady named Tricia and we clicked easily since we first met. We hung out quite often, actually i would say rather often. Been cooking together, drink and had lotsa fun. We even elevated our status to be sisters and we intended to go through the ceremony of being actual sisters. But i guess, the chinese beliefs has too much in it which i do not understand. Well no matter what, i gave my words of she is my sister and i will stand by her through sunshine or rain, i will take responsible of it. And this sweet sister of mine shares the same star as i do and celebrates her birthday together with me. She is so lovely to throw a house birthday party with a few nice people at her place for me and also herself. It is really sweet or her to throw the party with me and to give me a priceless gift which i will definitely cherish.
All in all, i already had my first face of my birthday celebrations with my dear sister, Tricia and the group is going for an eating trip coming tuesday. If i am not sensing wrong they maybe up to something. But will see if they play the game better than i do. It is too sweet of them to do so but i just wanna mess around with them... ;) and then we are heading to perhentian for another phase of celebrations and embracing our freedom and holidays and not forgeting our togetherness..

Cheers to all the fantastic and lovely people and thank you God for all the great happenings.
Will fill up more on what happen for my birthday. ;)

sAvE mY sOuL!!!

I have been doing a lot of thinking and self realization. Been shutting myself off from calls, mails and even blog. Till now. I need to start taking baby steps to make the changes.
I realized that there is a lot of things that has been submerged deep within me for so many years, things that i need to let go. Let go and allow me to be myself again.

What i feel like saying (WIFLS) is that now i really need someone to talk to, someone whom are willingly to support me and let me allow you to go deep inside my life, the dark side that i have always hide behind the laughters and act.

All my life, i have not really let anyone at all to go too deep inside my life, i have not allow myself to cry on other shoulder accept for my own, i have not allow anyone to fully support me through my rough times. I need someone whom will allow me to breakdown and support me through.
My close friends may know bits and pieces of happenings, but not every single detail, not the whole actual picture.

I am afraid, I am afraid of being judge, i am afraid to trust and be broken. I am afraid to show my ugly sides, afraid to confess all the bad things i have done, afraid to let myself be damaged by this powerful emotions and allow myself to heal and rebirth.

Even as i write now, i could feel a struggle within me, a part of me want to blab everything out here, but something inside my heart feels heavy and restricted. Can feel the knock inside to burst through this thick wall that i have build through the years.
I really want to put everything out on my realization, say everything out and be supported, cry and be destroy by this emotion in the process of letting it go.

I thought that self realization is sufficient. Then Joe, my dear superlogs supervisor during money and you April 2007 now my great friend, gave me a very big tap. Thank you Joe. Now i know realizing it is not enough, i need to let go and the process of letting go may require what i said i need.

I feel like i need a long and great WIFLS session. I need to break this wall into pieces. I need to let go off all these anger and pain within my body and soul. I need to cry and scream it all out.
I need to get off from this shell, i cannot go on acting anymore. I cannot go on denying anymore. I need to let go. I need to be supported. I need to get this off my chest. I cannot go on like this anymore. This is not me. I want to be me, Miss Chang Kit Ti.

*oh my gosh, this is the first time i am crying out loud for support. and while calling out now i just feel arghhhhh!!! Could feel every inch of arghhh through my body and hands now...
ARRRGGHHHH!!!*

bElIeVe

Woke up early although slept very late. Woke up with a call of work, never ending assignments. But what pops into my mind this early morning are my thoughts of life, love. Still feeling the pinch of pain within me, knowing that i am sinking into depression or maybe a start of an act. Acting that i am alright and that i am strong. Still laughing and smiling although deep down inside i am unhappy.

Pondering on life, flashbacks on many agendas in my life, i came to realized that in any situation i am a very emotional person, a girl whom feel for family, people, friends, things, anything at all easily. A girl who is constantly fighting the reality, a girl whom still believe, believe that things are beautiful and life is beautiful. Although knowing that life goes on regardless of anything as long as i am still breathing but is this what i want in life? Just to go on walking through life aimlessly and succumbing to the reality that i am unhappy about?

Although i have plans and aims to achieve certain things in life, in the sense of career. Although i said at the end of my life all i need are my own kids and my life but i know deep down inside, i want to spend my life with someone special, someone whom i can call as my love, the father of my kids and the king of my life. i constantly say that i only need a guy, only one who sees love as silly as i am. Someone whom will go through all odds and never give up. Well, maybe there is no one who thinks naively as i do, no one actually believe in the purity of love, no one believe in sacrificing for love. Or maybe my thoughts are just too idealistic and its only bound within my world, a world that seems different or maybe naive to others.
Sometimes is just rather funny, the career part of my life and the love part of my life constantly seems contradicting. Well maybe i am too idealistic, thinking and still believing that life is all beautiful and everything can be just perfect. Realistically life is not as simple as we all want it to be, life may not be as beautiful.
Funny thing is i still try to fight against that, try to make things simple, try to believe and trust in the beauty of love but somehow or rather it always turns out more complicated. Sometimes i could never understand why things happen, why decisions are made that way and why certain things must happen. Well, i don't know, is it because i really do not understand or is because i choose not to understand?

One thing for sure, as always said upsets are opportunities to learn the truth and the truth in my life is, the constant pain within me that none really understand or should i say know is due to the idealist within me whom wants and keeps on trying, knocking my head into one wall after another to create an idealistic world of mine with everyone around me against the reality. I came to accept the fact that everyone is different, everyone is striving for different things and everyone's definition of a beautiful is just different.

Sometimes i wonder am i too stubborn, am i too childish, am i too selfish? But sometimes i wonder am i really that idealistic when at times i do succumb to the reality which is called as life? Seems like through years, i am developing into a more complicated creature within, a complicated creature that i don't understand or know anymore. I realized that sometimes, my mind and heart could say a certain things, things that is more common and acceptable by others but somehow or rather my actions tends to be different. And this causes more confusion within me, a constant struggle to practice what i preach, a constant attempt to be perfect. Somehow or rather i realized that many of my actions are not understood by others, my intentions are constantly misunderstood and i am always an outcast.

Now i wonder, how ever could i be out there motivating and advising those who came to me when i am in a constant struggle within. How did i actually portray myself to be a confident woman with substance as said my some dear friends of mine and be respected? Are all these fake? Or is it just different elements in my life? The next ponder is do i know what i should do or am i just ranting? But i could not deny anymore that all these and more are a constant struggle within me. There bound to be something that bothers me may it be people, issues, friends, problems, family and a lot more.

What ever is wrong with me? I wonder how could i actually smile, laugh and laugh when i am with others but when i start pondering again, everything just comes out a mess. But i realized that simple things can amaze me, touch me or even make me happy, smile and laugh. I realized that although life has challenged me time after time, till today i still believe, believe in those whom has hurt me, believe in friends and also those who takes me as enemy or uneasy of me, believe in the purity of love and believe that life is still beautiful.

But even if i believe, is it enough? Even if i have what i think i want, would i ever be happy? What is happiness? What is love? What is life?

pAsSiOn Vs LoVe???

Time after time i just wonder, why are my emotions so weak? Why do i let myself fall once after another? Are all these happening meant to make me stronger? Or is it trying to turn me into some one cold? Why the never ending tumbles and pain? At times i wonder, am i a lab rat for one to realized things in life? At times i wonder if i have to be the one hurting for others to be jolly? But it is never easy for either side and constantly hurts both side. Then why the hurt?
Sometimes, i just wonder how could i disregard my emotions, emotions that are so weak comparatively to my stubborn mind and character? Or maybe how could i find the balance between both? Such an irony within a soul.
Now caught in between passion and love, is there such happenings? Do one have to let go of love or passion to gain the other? Is it always a choice in ones life? What ever happen to balance?
Aren't passion and love in life comes hand in hand?
Isn't love suppose to elevate your passion and vice versa?
I realized that i have been more reserved lately, many things are mostly kept inside instead of the usual me of ranting it all out. Wondering why a sudden change within me, keeping all the pain and tears behind my doors. Am i starting to build a wall around me? Am i living my life an act now? Laughing and gaying while it still hurts inside?
What ever happens to the gurl who truly laugh and smile sincerely?
Dear God, can you give me an answer? or even save me from this depression and pain within?

-nOsTaLgIc-

Woke up way too early this morning. Maybe excited for the AIESEC elections. Time to pass down the throne, time for new breath to fill in, time for a new level of continuity and improvements, time for more passionate leaders to lead and develop. Year by year, many other leaders and i took up the challenges, challenge to keep the promise of commitments, challenge of leading and developing, challenge to improve the organization and ourselves.

The memory of my first step into the new world is still so fresh and vivid, without any expectations or knowledge of what lies ahead, i boldly went for the Recruitment Drive and Interaction Night 2004 alone. Staring at the people amazingly, confidently in their power suit, running the event so professionally and enjoying themselves doing some silly moves while cheering and dancing. Never ever cross my mind that these silly things that i was laughing about turn out to be a part of my life especially through out the years in university.

Being rather an outcast and literally challenged in chinese language, i finally felt a sense of belonging when i actually took another step into this new world. Never did i thought that my life would be so different when i only thought that university life is just gonna be only about studies. Attending one weekly meet after another, although failing to get my first few friends in university to join me in this journey, i made new friends, friends that turns out to be so dear to me, friends whom are so different in my eyes. Although we could say now that we are all just wackos but deep down in my heart i acknowledged and feel much gratitude for their unconscious doings that have inspired me. Maybe i have difficulties in expressing to them, maybe they didn't really know but i do cherish them.

Xcapade (Local Leadership Development Seminar) 2004, a camp for newbies as we call it to know and discover more about AIESEC, the first pitfall, tumbling further into this new world that i now cannot get rid off, experiences and journey that was, is and will still be a part of my life. And recently in 2006, i am a part of the organizing committee, working with a group of amazing and dedicated people to organize and run this amazing journey of experience for the new members. Not as easy as i thought but definitely another experience and eye opener, another phase that elevate my passion.

Back then, the first step in taking up commitments and leadership position was another amazing project that was initiated back in 2003 for the underprivileged children, touching their hearts and mine while making a difference in their lives as well as mine. I still remember, how sharon and i used to hang around in coffee beans or nearby cafes to fulfill our commitments to create an awareness of this project named Young Visionaries. 3 years down the road, 2007, the project has evolved into a larger scale, bringing more changes and differences in lives of those involved and the world. Looking at the kids performed on stage in the concert initiated this year, i was amused and impressed. Staring into the innocent eyes of these children, gazing at their smiles, made me realized and appreciate my own personal life. There is so much in these kids and yet many not even aware or maybe not bothered by the fact that all these kids are just like their own siblings or children or just like ourselves.

Flash backs keeps on playing in my mind, vividly seeing every inch of step in this journey. Rain or sunshine, disappointed or inspired, mistakes or the right doings, it all comes in a wholesome package, a package that definitely has develop me from just a naive and childish girl into a woman, a better person whom sees things differently now. Would never forget the words of inspirations that made me tear, incidences that challenged my view, friends from various backgrounds and personalities, friends from different batch whom are just truly fantastic and unique. Realizing how i have developed and looking at my dear babies developing, i am touched and thankful, thankful that i had the opportunities to know this organization, this group of wonderful people.

Today, attending the elections, sitting right there listening and voting the few whom took up the challenges, inspired and touched me deep down inside. Waking up early, flashing back on the journey that i have i been through, made me realized that i have not have enough of AIESEC yet. Although this term is officially ending soon, although i am graduating (hopefully) this year, i made a pledge to still contribute and be there as much as i could. Personally, whether i get my scholarship to UK for my masters or not, i would still be a part of AIESEC may it be locally or internationally. AIESEC has been a part of my life, is still a part of my life and will still be a part of my life regardless of where life brings me to.

AIESEC is without a doubt one of the most amazing experience and highlights in my life so far.
Not forgetting the wonderful and dedicated individuals that have cross my path through this organization. Every single one of you made a difference in my life. The woman that i am today and in the future is definitely the results of your supports and inspirations. Thank you so much my dear friends. I am really sorry if i have made you unhappy or offended you in anyway, do accept this sincere apologies from the bottom of my heart. Without you and without AIESEC, i would not be who i am today. :)

uPdAtEs!!!

been really really long since i last update... wanted to blog one of the nights before but internet was kinda faulty...
well... so much been happening....

Chinese New Year...
well, basically chinese new year was kinda fast... jammed all the way back to Penang.... drove for hours and hours... then in a twinkle of an eye i am already back in kl... been taking pictures like i will never be able to anymore... had this funny feeling, fearing that i would not be able to celebrate it next year... would be missing all the food and everything...
Then back in kl... as usual... every year routine... would have a day of house visiting with the old high school group... started rather early bout 10am... supposed to be 9am... but as usual... malaysian timing... and as usual my house would be the last stop... where everyone can gamble and have booze till wee hours in the morning... but this year was rather quiet.... the group shrunk and there were only few of the regulars... but it was still great to be able to be with this group of regulars... meant alot to me... mum made many of them drink... no one was really drunk this year... which is a good thing... lol...
Then right before chinese new year ends... we had a primary school friends gathering... just a few of us actually... many were missing in action... well.. although it was only a few of us... it was really great... one of the time that i really appreciate... talking and gaying all night long... remembering all the old stories and all the old folks... Never thought things would be so great... some have not met for bout 10 years... and still we could remember and click... 10 years long lost and now reunited... how else more could things be better? i wouldnt ask for more...
another group of friends reunited... and more for me to appreciate... just shows me somehow or rather, life is still beautiful...

Besides that, went back for taekwondo training and realized that i am rather soft and totally not in shape... then went for a hike with sir and one of the gurl... well..was kinda bad... head was spinning with dizzyness and stomach was cramping with just a few steps up... tried to go on still.. up a few more steps... i had to sit down.... well... not wanting to let the others down, i asked them to go and told them that i will rest for a while then hike up slowly myself... was kinda funny... sitting there all alone in the middle of no where... was actually rather soothing and comforting despite the spin... the sound of birds chirping with the view of a bird, scent of the fresh dew.... it was just wholesome... and people there are really friendly... many passerby drop by to see how i was doing... one of the uncle was really helpful... he handed me some oilment for the spin and a bar of food for energy... after the rest... i slowly hike up alone... was kinda doubtful along the way... but still pulled myself together to hike up the steep stones and slipery roots... and it was not like the usual hike where it's more like a casual walk up the hill... i had to climb up steep rocks... half way through i met the rest on their way down... we then went down together... another challenge.. getting down the steep rocks... forcing all the leg muscle to hold strongly to have a firm stand... and the dizzyness came on again.. had a slow hike down... and when i finally reach the end.. i was totally spinning and had to close up eyes and rest in the car... when i reached back, i then realized that it was my menstruation that came unexpectedly... causing lower blood pressure and cramps... well... altough i did not manage to hike all the way up, it was still great... a step of conquering the pain every month that causes me difficulties to even walk sometimes...

After all that, i am back in uni... loaded with tonnes of assignments and to do's... kinda stressed up and sicky... and the mind is constantly on to something.... well.. all in all, its only two more months and i am gonna be FREE for a while.... Yay!!!

well.. this time around it is only a casual update... something for me to remember as well....
not much pondering... maybe i havent been giving myself much time to ponder too much....
well.. till then....

hApPy VaLeNtInEs DaY!!!

hello all,
just to wish all of you out there HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!! hope you guys enjoy yourselves...

-luv- all the way from America by ~cutie~

-muax- to all of ya!!!

cute??? the unexpected surprise i mentioned in the previous post... love it alot... my sweet companion every night!!!

Thank you dear!!!

Love ya!!!

well people... do appreciate every little time you spend with the ones you love... Appreciate the tiniest little effort put on for you by your love ones...

Some where out there, people are losing their love ones, missing their love ones...

Today is not only a day of celebrations for your boyfriends/girlfriends... it also goes out to everyone you love... Parents, family, friends...

Start appreciating all the people in your life, everyday can be a valentine...

Thank you to all of you who have been in my life... My dear friends... You guys know who you are!!! Just want all of you to know that I LOVE YA alot!!! every single one of you means alot to me...

cheers!!!

sTaRt ApPrEcIaTiNg!!!

Lets see... A little updates... past weekend was great... fantabulous...
Thurdays night/friday early morning... celebrated be earlied Valentines...
Friday it was one of the gurls birthday... Celebrated in the club... Havent been clubbing for quite sometime... Great party... I finally gotta dance... And was kinda high as well that night... Now muscle aching... LOL!!!
Saturday... Went for the War Crimes, Criminalise war exhibitions... Rather sad and affected by that fact...
Sunday... Took over my senior's taekwondo class for the day as he have to attend the instructor training... Was really fun... Never thought that i still have it although i havent been training... Gotta get my arse back to training...

Well, now for a little thoughts...
First Valentines Day is around the corner... Happy Valentines Day to all my dearest... Every single one of you who have known me, left me and also pass by my life means alot to me... Thank you so much for all the memories that we have been through together... may it be sunshine or rain...
then Chinese New Year!!! Happy Chinese New Year to those who are celebrating it and happy holidays to the rest!!!
For these wonderful ocassions, many of us are lucky enough to be able to celebrate with our love ones, family and friends.
Well, i am thankful that i am able to still able to spend time and celebrate with all the people in my life... As for Valentine, just got a call from a good friend of mine for a bachelor and bacholeretts gathering on the day... Nevertheless, only a few knew that i am seing a special someone... Although some doubt it and some support it, i am still glad... I have already sort of celebrated it before the actual day... A unexpected surprise happen... A huge box was send to my house by UPS from the States... When opened, realized that there were another big box inside nicely wrapped with a message stating not to open till February 14... But plans changed along the way... He recieved my package too and we were afraid that we might not be able to celebrate it together hence, we had an early celebration... spending hours together and also opening each others gift... Never did i expect... It is a really cute and soft pink teddy bear which we could not get it here... :)

Chinese New Year... Well every year without fail my family and i would definitely go back to Penang and Taiping to celebrate it with Family... Well, although Chinese New Year back in hometown now a days are not as fun as before but i am still glad to have my extended family to celebrate with... Besides, i miss all the good and tasty food... ;)
Then when i am back in KL, the old timers would usually organize a whole day house to house visiting and my house would usually be the last stop... Then we would be drinking and gambling in my house till wee hours in the morning... And the other fun part is, mum and friends would usually blend together and have a great time...

Well, most of us today still are lucky and are able to celebrate all these wonderful ocassions...
What about those who are not able to? Those who are unlucky, suffering and oppressed?
After a whole long story above, i dont mean to spoil any mood... Just a little sharing of thoughts of appreciating simple things in life...
As said above, attended the War Crimes, Criminalise War Exhibitions... It was regarding all the wars that happened before and those which are still happening today... Think of the people and childrens in Vietnam, Palestine, Iraq and so on... The ones tortured in the Abu Gharib and Guatanamo Bay prisons... Never to my expectations... simple things that we use everyday could be used as items of torture...

Musics - some were placed in a room blasted with deafening loudness of songs we listen everyday...
Bed - some were hung upside down on double decker bed and some were tied with back pushed hardly towards the steel of the bed...
Electricity-some were electricuted time after time till they faint...
And many many more... Sadly i couldnt attend this exhibition earlier so that i could tell more about it earlier and urge more to go... although i did ask some to go...

The visuals and audio recordings of the situations had a great impact on me... Babies crying, gun shots, explosions and so on... I was really disturb and sad... The situations gave me goosebumps as i walked through different sections...
One of the phrase that caught me was...
"Is this the price to pay for freedom?"
Well, what do you think? drop in and share your thoughts...

The other thing that caught me was one of the:
'Warior Ethos' of the American Soldier today...
"I am an expert and I am a professional. I stand ready to deploy, engage and destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat. I am a guardian of freedom and the
American way of life."
What does it mean? drop in and share as well...

There were also many horribly deformed babies and children from all the effects of all these wars... Some children like those in Palestine had to fight for their rights to study... Failing to do so, they had to sit by the roadside to study...
Think back... A lot of us even myself fret on studying... fret on our love ones, friends... fret on the comfort that we have...
My dear friends... let me know what do you think of all these happenings?
If you wanna know more on the exhibition beep me... too much to state all here... Sadly, cameras are not allowed... Would have taken pictures... :(

A little message from the Global Peace:
Enough is enough. Everyday these crimes are committed some where. It could be your home next.
Make Love not War!!!

bLiNdNeSs?!?!

Been wanting to blog... many amazing happenings but kinda busy with lotsa stuff... just something quick here to share...
this is an email that i recieved from a wonderful friend of mine which i though i have lost! Things in life is so amazing and the puzzle seems to all come in place now... and this is a little something that i wanna share with all of you!
take care! Happy Chinese New Year to all who is celebrating it!!! May you have a joyful and prosperous year!!

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind.She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always therefor her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can seeeverything, including her boyfriend.Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend isblind too, and refused to marry him.Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."
This is how human brain changes when the status changed.Only few remember what life was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.

Life Is A Gift
Today before you think of saying an unkind word,
Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food,
Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife,
Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion.
Today before you complain about life,
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before you complain about your children,
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean orsweep,
Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive,
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job,
Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wishedthey had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another,
Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer toone maker.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down,
Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and stillaround.

Life is a gift
Live itEnjoy it
Celebrate it
EMBRACE IT
fulfill it

And while you are at it give love to someone today
Love someone with what you do and the words you say
Love is not meant to be kept locked inside of us and hidden
So give it away "Give Love to someone today!"

bEaUtY iN dIsGuIsE?!?!

Reality of life in human relationships;
Some people will love you, some people will dislike you...
Again another part of experience in life, another differences that happens in life...

Most people are affected by the fact of people disliking them...
Some would be trapped in between...
Nevertheless, concentrating on this fact would bring one no where...
Wondering why?
Trying to please both parties?
Trying to redeem yourself?

Like what said...
dIfFeReNcEs MaKeS tHe WoRlD wHoLeSoMe!!!
LiFe Is BeAuTiFuL wHeN yOu LeArN tO sEe ThE bEaUtY!!!

My humble opinion,
1. Thank God for this happening...
If everything is perfect, then what is life? you are blessed with another experience... another thing in life that you can learn although things is though/difficult...
EXPERIENCES are the GREATEST TEACHER in life!

2. Appreciate the emotions that you are feeling...
It is a blessings that you can have emotions and you can feel all the feelings that you felt... Shows that you are still alive.. that you are a human... allow yourself to feel every emotions although is hurting or aggitating...
EMOTIONS are the STRONGEST ASSETS in life!

3. Accept the fact of differences. (One being disliked and disliking)
Everyone is different. Some may dislike you, some may envy you, some may not be comfortable with you. Vice Versa!
Be honest... you do feel different about different people...
Simple example... Every part of your body is different..
fingers-middle finger is longer than the rest of your fingers,
upper body and lower body-some are proportionate some are not..
somehow or rather everything is different, even some parts you personally dislike...
but when looking at yourself as the whole, you accepted all the differences even the ones you dislike...
you still dress up, step out and go on with life...
Be at peace with yourself and the differences...
Why not channel you FOCUS/ENERGY to something more FRUITFUL?HAPPY instead of locking yourself in depression of redeeming?

4. Follow your heart. (One torn between parties)
There is no right or wrong in human relationship. Its your own choice and decision in chosing and wanting to have relationships with the people you chose, people you are close to, people whom you respect, even the people you allow to hurt you...
Anything that happens to you is your own responsibility although its concerning others...
There is nothing to explain, nothing to clarify... Appreciate those who are around you...
Differences is the blessings that you get to experience...
Why not channel your energy in MAKING THE BEST of both instead of jailing yourself in depression of merging both party or pleasing either party?

food for thoughts;

YoU aRe ThE mAsTeR oF yOuR oWn LiFe!!!
trust yourself... trust your instinct... follow your heart...

ChAnGe BeGiN wHeN yOu TaKe ReSpOnSiBlE!!!
fOr ThInGs To ChAnGe, I mUsT 1sT cHaNgE!!!

eMoTiOnS aRe HuMaN eXpErIeNcE!!!
UpSeTs ArE OpPoRtUnItIeS tO lEaRn ThE tRuTh!!!
allow emotions to come through... acknowledge it...feel it...

hard? easy?
tHe MoSt PoWeRfUl FoRcE i HaVe Is WhAt I tElL mYsElF & i BeLiEvE!!!

p/s: what is writen is only brief...
beep me if you wanna understand more...

hUmAnLy ExPeRiEnCe!!!

iNsOmIa!!!
it's bout 4am now... and still couldnt sleep... for no apparent reason...
well, maybe am not feeling well... just puke... anyhow been feeling a little under the weather this few days...
Funny... Just said to a friend that day.. i am actually okay and it is okay to be sick once a while although sicky is kinda sucky... but, its one of the human experiences... and i am glad that i didnt miss any of it...
There is so much that has been happening lately... lotsa things that i wanna post but ended up unable to... now now... it's not that things are bad... it's good matter of fact...
Just realized that i am wordless lately... lost of words to show how glad i am to have all these things happening... to have all these people in my life... to have feel the things i felt...
I am gratefull till am wordless... couldnt even manage to share every single thing that has happened... too many and great!!
Different people... different situations... more and more sharing...

Am getting more and more phylosophical... ;) dont know wheter is that good or bad... LOL!!
but it helps reminds myself alot and also been sharing alot with my pals...
Everyday wheter things went well or slightly off, at the end of the day somethin would happen to remind me of being grateful and appreciative... And i am really grateful and i do appreciate every single things that has happened and the people i share it with...

Every single step, every single happenin, every single soul that crosses is an experience and blessings...
Good or bad... It is humanly experience...It is the different pieces of puzzle that is matching into place to form a wholesome picture of life...

Been enjoying listening to different experiences of diferent people... Been enjoying observing people... Been enjoying realizing so many differences around...
Many poured amazing experiences to my happy ears lately, acknowledging their humanly ups and downs in life... Many were actually not really happy of some of their experiences...
Most were due to not seing the beauty of differences... Matter of fact many problems that happens between human is related to this... especially in relationships, friendships and human interactions in general...
Learning to see the beauty and accept the differences would help in many situations... ;)
Well, lately this phrase doesnt seems to fail to come out of my mouth...

"DiFfErEnCeS mAkEs ThIs WoRlD wHoLeSoMe"

Anyhow, i am glad that my pals and I are still able to feel and acknowledge emotions and happenings...

"AlL eMoTiOnS aRe HuMaNkInD eXpErIeNcE"

"LiFe Is BeAuTiFuL wHeN yOu LeArN tO sEe ThE bEaUty"

JoUrNeY!!!

Well, another slow yet fast day....
Woke up late... Rushed yet taking it slow to class...
Confused with timetable...
but...
Things turned out great at the end...
Went for lunch with a dear gurl friend of mine... knew her since form 6... it's funny... we got really close just within a short period of time... spend alot of time together... shared many many memories... and, honestly, till today i still feel the same about her... she is one of the most beautiful gurl i have ever known... the way she look, carry herself and also her personality... She has silently taught me alot of things... Helps develop me alot within... till today, i am really amazed by her personality... Hard to find the actual words to describe her... just wholesome... get to know her... you will know what i mean... ;)
Had great conversation with her.. catched up on happenings... planned to meet up at least once a week for lunch... YAY!! and going back to get our STPM cert which we forgotten till now... LOL!!! and miss her hug so much!!! thank you gurl!!!
Then met up with my dear little sister... glad to hear her learning experience... my honour to share some experiences with her... glad to see her developing...
everything happens for a reason... every single step take in life is a step further in the journey of learning...
problems = challenges to push oneself further/opportunity to learn more...
mistakes = learning experience...
Attended the mini program to invite more people to join the money and you program...
Was great that i decided to attend and help out... Reminds me bits and pieces of things that i have learned...
Chatted with a wise man... made me think of some things... and he is really nice and helpful... offered me a lot of opportunities...
funny... dont know what i am feeling right now while writing this... a struggling feeling in me...
Which is good... things that i need to think about... things for me to realize... to achieve further clarity... Some questions that this wise man prompt...
Then a very good guy friend of mine had some problems... Did some sharing session along with another wise lady... I was kinda asking alot of questions to make him think and shared some of my own experiences with him and reminded him and myself some of the things we learned in the seminar...
He is really a great guy filled with so many great qualities in him... Can be really great and successful once he start allowing himself to see his qualities and believing in himself.. Talking to him has actually reminded me of alot of things... Makes me think of alot of things as well...
Then this wise lady told me something that really touched me... She said, she could feel my presence when i stepped into the room for the mini program... And after hearing me, she said that i am a person who could be who i want to be to achieve what i want to achieve in life... she also said that from how i shared and questioned, i could be a motivational speaker... it is in me...
Somehow or rather, i was really touched and glad... nearly teared...
Well, people it is something deeper in clarity of what you wanna achieve in life... it is not wishing...
This program is without any question has helped me and many out there... It helps develop individual individually from within to be the person of who you are and helps you achieve alot of clarity to be the person that you want to be to live your ideal life... It covers everything, business, relationships etc... It's a great journey of learning... great journey of experience... great journey of self-discovery... great journey of transformation and change...
If anyone of you who wants to know more of this... do beep me...
or visit www.excellerated.com
Every single time i share, i learn more...
Every time i remind you, i remind myself...
It is always my honour to be your ear, your friend...
Today, is definitely another journey...

CuLtUrE??? MoRaLe???

Was browsing through blogs and stumble upon sharon's...
and was rather shocked by her entry about this news below...
LOL!! i dont really read newspapers... ;)

it is true as what she questioned..

"what is this world coming to?"

"Whatever happened to 'tali getah' and 'batu seremban' games?"

THE STAR ONLINE

N E W S

Nation Saturday January 13, 2007

Schoolgirls competing to be No.1 in sex game

Other News & Views

A GROUP of female students in a secondary school in Johor Baru are said to be competing among themselves to be the one with the highest number of one-night stands, Nanyang Siang Pau reported.

Each of the 10 students in the group, aged between 13 and 15 years old, would fork out between RM50 and RM100 to be in the game.

The student with the highest number of sex partners within a month would get a “reward”, which ranged from between RM500 and RM1,000, said the report.
Usually, a student would need between 13 and 15 sex partners to claim the “reward”.

It was learnt that the school had expelled some students involved in the activity, but the report added that it was still going on.

well, i dont know how to react and whatelse to say...
Wordless...
Sad...
Seriously, what is the world turning into?... what happened to our roots - culture and morale?

GlAd!!!

Been wanting to blog... Never seems to do so... till today...
A few more unique experience happen... thinking back.. alot of things seems amazing...
On monday, went to uni, wanted to go library to get some books... at the same time went to the post office to send a postcard to US... ;) and past by the blood donation campaign and decided that i should donate blood.. and has been a long time since i do so...
Before this, couldnt really donate due to low blood pressure... so was thinking maybe i could still try... went there alone after getting some books from the library with my gurl... few funny things happen... fear... yet still overcome it... was happy after donating...
then was rather dizzy for a few days after that... went to the doctor.. suspected anemic.. but couldnt be... well... went for a blood test as asked by the doctor in the student's clinic... and guess what... was one of the terrifying moments and it worsen my fear...
After that incident, made a point that i will never go to the students clinic anymore nor will i go to any of the government clinic or hospitals...
But thinking back it is another experience in life... where i have to face my fear to a greater extend... although i cried but i am still in one piece...
Now... the other part of happenings...
Well, met this guy from the US lately... Been getting to know him and been chatting really often.. the same guy i was talking about in the previous post...
Seems like have known him for quite sometime now and seems like we are having more understanding and already planning to meet up...
Never thought in my life i could be in this sitaution.. someone who is far away.. someone who is from the virtual reality realm...
but after much communications.. starting to feel it is more that what i thought.. and this might be true...
Was kinda doubting that he is real.. as in he is not just playing online for fun and so on...
Well, after communicating more... could see that we somehow or rather we have some commitments to get online and spend time with each other..
Well, as they say, the best things in life cant be seen or touched... it have to be felt by the heart...
Meeting him and able to chat with him has brighten up my days... Seems like we are on the same wave length.. and its really fun...
But the funny thing is, as many know i have this magnet only for the guys from the darker shade of brown... and i thought .. okay... should now go for the total opposite.. which is white..as i rarely turn yellow heads around...
and... guess what.. i attracted one from way far and also from the darker shade... LOL!!!
Somehow or rather.. was talking to one of my gurl, told her that ever since really young, i dont really see myself ending up with anyone from the same race or colour... Well, maybe that explains it all... Or Maybe its my destiny...
Well, whatever it is, am waiting for the day now... the day that we are gonna meet and see what happens...
As rough plan for now... in 5 months time... when we are both on break after the finals for this semester... SOON!!!
As for life now, getting better... matter of fact great, fantastic...
realized that more and more of my friends appreciates our friendship and both have the effort to make it better...
Meeting more and more great people.. people from different backgrounds, cultures, places and so on... Its amazing looking at how different people are and how unique and beutiful they are...
Glad with all the blessings that have been showered upon me... all the fantastic, bad or good experience day by day...
Well, to sum up, lately am just happy despite the ups and downs, all the weird things that happened, funny situations and many many more... am glad and thankful...
HaPpY!!! GlAd!!!
ThAnK yOu!!!!

MeMoRiEs!!!!

New year!!
Well, another crazy celebration like christmas... Also with my group of old friends...
Christmas... Genting...
New Year... Camerons...
This time around, 14 of us went up but not all are old friends...
One of the guy brought his girl friend...
The other guy brought his girlfriend and his sister...
The other guy is the younger brother of our old friend... Funny thing is, his brother or sister whom are our old friends did not go...
4 cars!!!
This plan was such an ad hoc plan... Last minute confirmation from everyone... Last minute shopping of food and stuff...
Did the shopping of food last minute, on friday... Was all kinda messup with some misunderstanding... I was incharge of buying the stuff... I only had in mind that i need to grab some food for breakfast and also some extra food for the guys incase that they are hungry in the middle of the night...
Nevertheless, when i picked up one of the girls, she thought that i was gonna buy food for steamboat and also barbeque...
We were confused and rather messed up... Hence, dragged the organizer out and ended up buying food for everything although we argued about some food that we should buy up there and some we should buy here...
Funny... and in between the whole process, we still had time to watch 'a night in the museum'... and ended up delagting the stuff to buy to a few people...
On the same day, was dicussing with a few of us who are going up earlier... and realized that even the organizer didnt know the road up to cameron...
6 of us going up first... None knew the road including me... But for me it is rather easy as i have a walking GPRS (my dad... LOL!!!)... Hence, i told them i will find out and then i would lead...
Then went back home, and asked my dad bout the road and am confident with the directions given... Had never got lost with his directions... If you ask him, i think he can draw a detail map about malaysia... LOL!!!
Then later that night, was supposed to sleep early to make sure i am fresh for a long drive...
Well, ended up chatting till kinda late... Had a very nice and fun chat... this time around with a guy from the US... LOL!!!
I could say, chatting with guys from here and there, is just so different... Maybe its character... Well, yet to bump into a guy from here whom can have such a great chat with...
And the funny but weird thing is... Feels rather hard for both of us to stop chatting and it seems hard to part for a few days...
Well, still i have to drive... So we only ended our conversation abot 3 something...
Then next day, woke up rather early, feeling very excited and bump into him online again...
Well, as usual, got hook on my com for a while... and he was rather upset... but at least we had a short chat before leaving...
Then, met up at one of the girls house, the other driver was rather grumpy... and my stupidity caused his car some scratches... Sorry dear!!!
Well, anyhow started the journey... Initially he was tailing me.. then all of a sudden, he decided to use another road... i was at the point of no turning back...
Next thing you know, he was lost with another 2 girls in his car... LOL!!!
We were so worried and so on about him finding the way, they called saying that they were lost and we tried to direct them...
Luckily at the end, he manage to find the way and met up with us at the sungai buloh rest area...
Very fast drive there... laughing and chatting all the way...
Hmm.. seems like a very long story if i go on and on....
All in all, we had a great celebration...
First night, barbeque and steamboat at the same time... then alcohol.. some guys were zick zacking around.. tunbling here and there.. non stop laughing and hilarious happenings...
Second night, barbeque, steamboat and frying at the same time for dinner... alcohol again... this time i had a good buzzz.... and i was the funny one... LOL!!! off course along with a few more...
Count down only by ourselves... Shouting and screaming ourselves... No one else, no strangers.. only us!!!
Well, although there were some heated arguements, tears running... but all in all, i am glad to have celebrated and ushered in this new year, another year of friendship with this group of friends whom are very dear to me...
Chatted a little more with some of them.. we just realized that some of us had knew each other from standard 1 till now.. which means it has already been 16 years!!!!
16 freaking years man!!! What else can i ask for from friends???
Despite all the differences, despite all the sunshine and rain that we have been through, despite all the arguements, i am glad that we are still friends!!
I could not ask for a better celebration nor a begining of this year...
Well, a brand new year, a new turning point in my life... Had been great so far...
Filled with love, filled with joy, filled with laughter and best thing is filled all the people whom i really appreciate...
I am truly blessed to have my parents, family and more and more friends to share my life with...
Thank you!!
I really appreciate evrey single one of you whom have cross my life... Foot steps will always be a part of me!!!
BlEsSeD yEaR!!!!